Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

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I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone.

I said “Morning.”

He said, “No, just taking a shit.”

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“Congratulations my boy!” said the groom’s uncle. “I’m sure you’ll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life.”

“But I’m not getting married until tomorrow,” protested his nephew.

“I know,” replied the uncle. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

———————

Blakk Frogg loves posting Sarcastic MySpace Comments.

The baby was coming way too fast so the paramedics were called. To make it worse, when they arrived, there was a power outage. The paramedics asked the four year old sister to hold the flashlight for them.

Despite the difficulties, all went well and the mother delivered a baby boy. The paramedic smacked him on the behind and he began to cry.

Looking over at the wide eyed little girl, the paramedic asked her what she thought about what she had just witnessed. She said, “That naughty boy should have never crawled in there. Spank him again!”

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Two rednecks were attending a party in the woods, when all of a sudden, the skies opened up and rained torrents on everybody. They ran for their car, jumped in, and gunned it. They were going pretty fast when an old man’s face appeared in the passenger window, knocking on it! The passenger screamed, but decided to roll down his window halfway.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“Do you have any tobacco?” asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette, and he went away.

“Go faster!” said the passenger. “I don’t want to see him again!” So the driver pushed the speedometer to 80 mph. But soon, the old man appears at the window again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window again.

“Do you have a light?” said the old man’s face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And the old man went away.

“Drive faster!” said the passenger. So they pushed it to 100 mph. But ten minutes later, the face returns. “What do you want from us?” screamed the passenger.

The old man gently replied “You jackasses want some help getting out of the mud?”

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Get your Redneck MySpace Comments while they’re hot!

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A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair while her dad gets his hair cut. After a while she takes out a snack cake and begins eating.

The barber smiles at her and says, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your twinkie.”

“I know, “she replies. “I’m gonna get boobies, too.”

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Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments “Boy, I would like to f*ck her!

The other attorney thinks for a second and says, “Out of what?”

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The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct… leaving only Heaven. Thereby, proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, “Oh my God.”

Never Call Her a Bad Cook… or Hell Gets Your Meat!