After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
“C’mon, tell me,” she asked for the thousandth time, “how many women have you slept with?”
“Baby,” he protested, “if I told you, you’d throw a fit”.
Kim promised she wouldn’t get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
“Okay,” he said, “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven – then there’s you – nine, ten, 11, 12, 13..”
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Shame on you!
Now all of you people REALLY ought to take yourselves out back for a good spanking ‘cuz there’s no way in HELL you clicked the link for any other reason than to see something…. ‘sexual’
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Truth be told, though, I guess even I would have clicked the link. * sigh * So I guess that means I need a spanking, too. Damn…. That’ll be the fourth one this week and it’s not even 9 PM on Saturday yet! Woo Hoo! I’m ahead of schedule!
Two boys are playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is
attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took
his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog’s collar and
twist, luckily breaking the dog’s neck and stopping its attack.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to
interview the boy.
“Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal…” he starts
writing in his notebook.
“But, I’m not a Bruins Fan,” the little hero replied. “Sorry, since
we’re in Boston, I just assumed you were,” said the reporter and starts
again.
“Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific attack…” he continued
writing in his notebook.
“I’m not a Red Sox fan either!” The boy said.
“I assumed everyone in Boston was either for the Bruins or the Red Sox
So, what team do you root for?” the reporter asked.
“I’m a Yankees fan!” the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet
in his notebook and writes:
“Little Bastard from New York Kills Beloved Family Pet.”
Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!”
The teacher replied, ‘Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’
Please use the word ‘ur-i-nate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”
Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, “You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a TEN!”
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One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.
First, she called! on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
“My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.”
She said, “Excellent, Michael!” Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.
“Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said ‘Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'”
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Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.”
Little TONY replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”
The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?”
Little TONY answered, “No, he minded his own damn business.”
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