Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, ya’ self-righteous maggots! Time to celebrate the upcoming Christmas Holiday with some Christmas humor, funny Christmas pics and other stuff that more or less makes fun of Christmas!

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And now we must begin the list of Christmas postings we’ve posted over the years on Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog… so deal with it!

• Merry Christmas, Bitch! — a Blakk Frogg Favorite!
• Perfect Man, Perfect Woman, and Santa Claus
• Loud Fart on Christmas Morning

• Most Popular for Last 30 Days
• Funny Jokes for Adults
• Squirrels in Houses of Worship

• Train Set and Bad Language
• You Might be a Redneck Jokes
• Christmas Party in Alaska

• Facts About Reindeer
• Onions and Christmas Trees
• Pissed Off Santa Poem

• 20 Ways to Confuse Santa Clause
• Blondes Decorating My Christmas Tree
• Pedro and His Girlfriend

• No More Ho’s for Santa Clause?
• Reality for Pumpkins After Halloween Passes

Well there you have it. Blakk Frogg’s official Christmas posting. Now someone PLEASE get him a case of beer! Pronto!

OK, we have had it up to HERE with all these fast food restaurants and chain restaurants filling up the airwaves, billboards and television commercials with their “Five Dollar” and “Dollar Menu” specials. Give it up, guys… Seriously. We get it already.

Have you ever wondered what exactly makes up the components of a “Value Meal”, what grade of ingredients go into a “five dollar meal”, and/or how much better you could eat for just two or three more dollars if you gave your dining plans more though than simply recalling the last overplayed commercial you heard or saw and marching sheep to the slaughter?

Well obviously WE did think about that ‘cuz we wrote a blog posting about it after discovering that in a sleepy little town in Orangeburg, SC we can get a sandwich that looks and tastes far better than…

Example of a ‘Five Dollar Special’ — Looks Kinda’ Sad, Right?

We won’t TELL you who made the sandwich above, but we feel confident you can figure that out on your own. If not, then no one, not even the God of Bacon Him or Herself can help you…

Oh, and did you even SEE any bacon on that sandwich? Nothing! Not even a small, salty sliver! Horifying! Absolutely horrifying!

Moving on, though, wouldn’t you rather stop into a place like Four Moons for lunch where you can get a sandwich like…

Triple Decker Sandwich… Has Visible Bacon!

Now for just a few dollars more we can get a sandwich that has large chunks of meaty, salty, tasty bacon piled high. No brainer, right?

So to conclude, perhaps YOU ought to expand your culinary range and explore some of your local eateries so that you, too, can find your own Four Moons lunchtime feast… instead of eating another one of those bargain priced meals.

The old addage still rings as true today as it did 100’s of years ago: You Get What You Pay For!

Every great once in a while a photo opportunity will come our way that we simply cannot turn down. This time a bombshell of a babe with a Harley Davidson practically begged us to photograph her and her motorcycle next to some totally gorgeous bacon.

Our mommas taught us better than to turn down the polite request of young lady with a healthy rack, so…

First-year students at North Carolina State University’s Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, “In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example,” the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

Then he announced, “Life’s tough, it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.”

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A smart-ass lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff’s deputy. He thinks that he is much better than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston, TX . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy’s expense.

The deputy says, “License and registration, please.”

“What for?” asks the lawyer.

The deputy says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

Then the lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.”

“You still didn’t come to a complete stop,” says the deputy. “License and registration, please.”

The lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”

“The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!” the Deputy repeats.

Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

“That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,” the deputy says. At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, “Now, do you want me to “stop” or just “slow down?”

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A recent study released by the Institute for the Development of Ridiculously Stupid Bacon Claims states that consuming large amounts of bacon and sausage will cure a hangover.

“After studying the results obtained from a double blind, half somersault experiment conducted at a friend’s house, we concluded that eating as much bacon and sausage after a long night of drinking will, in fact, cure a hangover… as long as you sleep a lot, drink lots of non-alcoholic fluids, and wait 48 hours before attempting to do anything useful.”

Critics argue that the study will give uneducated people the wrong idea about bacon’s healing powers and encourage people to drink excessively only because they think they will have an easy way to get around hangovers.

Authors of the study replied to that accusation by saying, “Uneducated people get what they deserve! If anyone takes studies like this seriously, well, they deserve a throbbing headache, nausea, cold sweats and vomiting!”

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.”

The little boy replied, “My daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.”

The priest looked up from his book and answered, “I am the Father of many.”

The boy said, “My dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way.”

The priest, getting impatient, said, “I am the Father of hundreds,” and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.”

When we first told people about this pre-dinner treat that our waitress at Four Moons Restaurant slopped down in front of us, many people gave us funny looks and asked, “Uh, duck? With melon sorbet? WTF?!?”

At first we also wondered about the combination but once we stuffed this culinary treat into our feed holes, well, all doubts and suspicions vanished quicker than money from our bank accounts after a payroll direct deposit!

It may not look like much, partially due to the crappy photography skills and equipment that we possess, but it tasted AWESOME!

For those who have never had prosciutto, let alone DUCK prosciutto, you have seriously missed out on a kick ass meat! Now go out and try some, ya’ silly bastards!

If you can’t eat it or screw it,

Piss on it and walk away.

In the past you have read how we save precious seconds in the morning by preparing bacon and other breakfast treats the night before. What you have NOT yet seen, though, may shock you.

Sometimes we get creative with the way in which we store the pre-cooked breakfast treats. Note: This usually happens after a long night of drinking… right before we head off to bed.

Judge us by our love of bacon and all its yummy friends and not by our art skills, please!