Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

God went to the Arabs and said, “I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.

The Arabs asked, “What are Commandments?”

And the Lord said, “They are rules for living.”

“Can you give us an example?”

“Thou shall not kill.”

“Not kill? We’re not interested”

He went to the Blacks and said, “I have Commandments.”

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, “Honor thy Father and Mother.”

“Father? We don’t know who our fathers are.”

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, “I have Commandments.”

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said “Thou shall not steal.”

“Not steal? We’re not interested.”

Then He went to the French and said, “I have Commandments.”

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, “Thou shall not commit adultery.”

“Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.”

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, “I have Commandments.

“Commandments?” they said, “How much are they?”

“They’re free.”

“We’ll take ten.”

There, that ought to offend just about everybody.

—————

And now for yet another Moses related item:

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There. That ought to have completed the cycle of pissing people off…… for now, at least. We reserve the right to come back and piss more people off later. 😛

Seems the Better Business Bureau got a complaint the other day about a scam that AFLAC used to take advantage of women on the street… stealing their hard-earned money.

Now we all at one time thought that an INSURANCE Company has stolen from us, however this scam is netting COLD HARD CASH from unsuspecting individuals.

The way it works is the thief uses children to distract the target. While admiring the cuteness of the kids they are robbed of their cash and never know what hit them.

I’m sending this out for all to be aware that this is happening and it’s right out on the streets where the general public is.

A passer by with a digital camera phone happened to capture the photo below.

Review it carefully and use caution when distractions like this come along.

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Good luck out there, ladies, and if you get robbed, don’t say no one warned you.

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.

Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa has gone to Heaven?”

Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I’m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.”

Later that day Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She tried adjusting the knobs to get the picture in focus, but that didn’t work. Then, frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem by force.

About this time the little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door. Upon opening the door he saw the family minister standing before him.

The minister said hello to the little boy and asked, “Is your Grandma home?”

Thinking nothing of it, the little boy replied, “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.”

The minister fainted.

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Three Hillbillies are sitting on their porch in Arkansas. One says,
“Boy is my wife dumb. She’s so stupid that she went shopping today and
bought an air-conditioner. Hell, we ain’t got electricity!”

Then the other guy says, “Ah that ain’t nothing, my wife’s dumber than
that! She went shopping yesterday and had a washing machine delivered.”
They all laughed and laughed, why nobody around here has plumbing!

The third Hillbilly said, “Well, I reckon my woman’s got to be the
dumbest. Just this morning I was looking in her purse for some change and
found six condoms. Hell, she ain’t got no pecker.”

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Blakk Frogg has finally found the ULTIMATE REDNECK MYSPACE COMMENT and you can get the (free) code for it…… HERE.

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Poke around that site for more than 1,400 other great funny, sarcastic, sexy, slutty and sometimes just plain stupid Myspace Comments. Keep in mind, though, that Blakk Frogg has a warped sense of humor, so you never know what he’ll add next!

And that’s a very good thing, damn it! 😛

Motorcycle enthusiasts like Blakk Frogg suggest that people take excellent care of their machines in order to make sure they operate properly and perform flawlessly on (or off) the road.

Some folks take those suggestions a bit too far…

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Note: For those not exactly familiar with proper motorcycle care, laying a bike down in that manner causes oil to creep up onto the heads… which is NOT good for the bike. And that, dear friends, concludes our mechanics lesson for today.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

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Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.

Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

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After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

Back in grade school Blakk Frogg used to get in trouble all the time for acting like a fool in school… and for rhyming words like turds and birds.

He did not, however, get in trouble for saying things like, “You should have seen the size of the dick walking in the road this morning!”

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Some people either have no life or lose drunken bar bets way too often. da’ blakk frogg joke blog takes no reponsibility for other bar patrons’ ridiculous claims after they drink their 7th beer, but it will make fun of them for days on end afterwards. Guaranteed.

Have you seen the newly added sarcastic myspace comments yet? If not, well… YOU SUCK!

On my work to work this morning I got cut off by this dick in a truck…

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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Yeah… definitely a giant dick in that truck. So, so rude. He’s lucky I didn’t develop road rage and castrate him!

Hope all well out there wherever the hell you live!

– blakk frogg

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide:

SCENARIO:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities and some seemingly unintelligible things about Jihad, raises the knife, and charges at you with the tenacity of a raging rhino.

You are carrying a Glock 40 handgun and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? Below are your options, in no particular order:

• The Democrat’s Reply
• The Republican’s Reply
• The Southerner’s Reply