Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Blakk Frogg despises most magazines and television programs because they contain WAY too many ads and all of those advertisements… LIE! So, without further ado, Blakk Frogg proudly posts a blog entry called ‘Truth in Advertising’.

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12. I Hate Every Bone in Her Body But Mine

11. It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass All Day

10. If the Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me

9. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well

8. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim ‘s Gettin’ Better

7. I Wouldn’t Take Her to a Dog Fight ‘Cuz I’m Afraid She’d Win

6. I’ll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight

5. I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like You’re Still Here

4. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I’d Be Out Of Prison By Now

3. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him

2. She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger

And the Number 1 Country Song is:

1. I Ain’t Never Gone to Bed with a Ugly Woman, But I’ve Sure Woke Up With a Few

Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking their ice cold beers.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, “I think I’m going to divorce my wife – she hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.”

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, “You better think it over. Women like that are hard to find.”

The other night I was invited out for a night with “the girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!”

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed…3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos =MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him “Midnight”. He didn’t seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.”

When I asked him, “Why?” he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, “Oh Shit”, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it’s throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”

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An Austrian roofer who slipped on the job ended up nailing himself to the roof – through his wedding tackle.

According to Ananova, 59-year-old August Voegl of Jennersdorf “shot the four-inch nail into his left testicle with the compressed air nail gun” and was thereafter “unable to extract it or pull himself away from the roof”.

It was left to emergency medics to separate Voegl from the building and, after being whisked to hospital by air ambulance, he’s reportedly “recovering well” following surgery.

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3 o’clock in the morning!

He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it’s 3 o’clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing!” replies the drunk.

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Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning along the parkway when she tripped and fell over the bridge
railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to her, 3 kids who were fishing pulled her out of the water. She was so grateful she offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The 1st kid said, “I want to go to Disneyland.”

Hillary said, “No problem, I’ll take you there on my special Senator’s airplane.”

The 2nd kid said, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan’s.”

Hillary said, “I’ll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!”

The 3rd kid said, “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!”

Hillary was a little perplexed by this and said, “But you don’t look like you’re handicapped.”

The kid said, “I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass.”

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Never in my life would I consider that a rational idea until…

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So step right up, all you suicide bombing bastards. Just detonate away from others, or in the company of those you trained with, and we’ll get (what’s left of) you properly buried in no time.

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After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. “A less costly alternative,” said the doctor, “is to go home, get a cherry bomb,” (fireworks are legal in Alabama) “light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.”

The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”

“Trust me,” said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

“1”

“2”

“3”

“4”

“5”

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, Mississippi, and West Virginia.

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Nothing says family like a nice discussion of boobies and willies at the dinner table. Blakk Frogg believes The following joke proves that:

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?

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The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there’s three kinds of breasts.

In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.

“Onions?” the son asks.

“Yes, you see them and they make you cry”

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, “Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.

“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”

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