Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

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Lance Armstrong Raising the Bar

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG).

He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA).

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY). He drove to the corner gas station and filled it with gas (FROM SAUDI ARABIA) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

Lance Armstrong Raising the Bar

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE), turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can’t find a good paying job… in AMERICA.

1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

2) Are your parents retarded, ’cause you sure are special.

3) My Love for you is like diarrhea … I can’t hold it in and it runs like a river.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

4) Do you have a library card, ’cause I’d sure like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

6) If you and I were Squirrels, I’d store my nuts in your hole.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away, sweetheart.

8) Man – “Fat Penguin!”
Woman – “WHAT?”
Man – “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”

9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

10) I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

and…. saving the best for last!

13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

Blakk Frogg says, “Steven Wright a very funny guy. Don’t know if he’d make a very funny woman, though.”

= = = = = = = = =

One of my favorite comics, as I stated in an edition of americas-best.com, was, and still is, a strange fellow named Steven Wright.

Ever so simple and direct, his words speak volumes.

Below are 20 of statements he’s made. If you’re anything like me, you’ll really enjoy reading them.

  • Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can’t even get into my own pants.
  • The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.

  • Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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  • Marriage changes passion…suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
  • I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said, “Implants?”
  • I don’t do drugs anymore ’cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.

  • Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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  • I have my own little world. But it’s OK…they know me here.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • I got a sweater for Christmas… I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  • Americas Best MySpace Comments
    Americas Best MySpace Comments

  • I don’t approve of political jokes…I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
  • The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
  • There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and butthead’s.
  • I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
  • Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
  • I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
  • How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
  • Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
  • Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?

  • Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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  • Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wisewords: “Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been.”

  • Sarcastic MySpace Comments

    Find more awesome Steven Wright stuff at his official website.

    03 Mar, 2008

    Blonde Goes Horseback Riding

    Posted by: admin In: Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic

    Blakk Frogg says, “Height should not be the only requirement for some things in life.”

    = = = = = = = = =

    A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

    She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

    It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

    In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

    She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

    The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

    Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

    Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

    As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

    Thank God for heros.


    Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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    Blakk Frogg says, “Drinking heavily makes world a blurry place to live. I meant ‘better’, damn it.”

    = = = = = = = = =

    A guy went into a bar one day and said to the bartender, “Give me six double vodkas.”

    The bartender says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.”

    “Yes, I just found out my older brother is gay.”

    The next day the same guy went into the bar and asked for the same drinks.

    When the bartender asked what the problem was this time and the answer came back, “I just found out that my younger brother is gay, too!”

    On the third day the guy went into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

    The bartender said, “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

    “Yeah, my wife…”


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    Blakk Frogg says, “Lawyers make the world go around… and a very smelly place to live.”

    = = = = = = = = =

    One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, “I’d give $250 to spend the night with that woman.”

    Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and said, “I’ll take you up on that offer.”

    She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.

    The following morning the man presented her with $125 as he prepared to leave.

    She demanded the rest of the money, stating “If you don’t give me the other $125, I’ll sue you for it.”

    He laughed, saying, “I’d like to see you get it on these grounds.”

    Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case.

    His lawyer said, “She can’t possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented.”

    After the usual preliminaries, the lady’s lawyer addressed the court as follows: “Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance.”

    The defendant’s lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. His defense therefore was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it. “Your honor,” he said, “my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, which he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted.”

    The young lady’s lawyer answered, “Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed; he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted.”

    In the Judge’s decision, he provided for two options: “Pay the $125 or have the equipment detached from its current location and provide it to the plaintiff for damages.”

    The defendant immediately wrote a check.

    Blakk Frogg has a friend who likes to drink. Yes, it’s true, and recently this friend posted this bulletin on MySpace:


    Here is a list of things that I learned in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) that I found rather amusing. My main reason for posting this is because I am debating on stealing more of Pop’s liquor. I probably won’t, but I’m thinking about it just the same.

    1) There is ALWAYS at least one hot chick getting treatment.

    2) That hot chick is ALWAYS single.

    3) That hot chick is NOT quitting.

    4) If you tell nothing but maniacal drinking stories, everyone else in the group will actually try to help you get with the hot chick (proven through countless hot chicks at countless meetings).

    5) If you are an alcoholic, you can die by quitting cold turkey. No other addiction can do that to you. (proven fact).

    6) Just because you are going to a meeting that has other alcoholics, doesn’t mean they they still want to continue drinking.

    7) Talking about “partying” and such is considered “Rude” to people that are actually trying to quit. Why you are talking to someone who wants to give up drinking, I don’t know.

    8) If you get caught talking about partying during your treatment, you have to start all over again. Sometimes with more classes.

    9) You will meet people from all walks of life. If you are majoring in Sociology, you will enjoy these meetings. If you are not, you can still learn new drinks, new drinking methods, and new ways to hide drinking from those who tell their stories.

    10) IT’S EXPENSIVE!!!!! So don’t get caught with a DUI (Driving Under the Influence).

    There you go everyone. Now off I go to make myself a Long Island. If I take a little of each, I shouldn’t get caught…. rather than taking one big drink from just one big bottle.

    27 Feb, 2008

    Blonde Woman Got Robbed

    Posted by: admin In: Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic

    The Champaign, Illinois Police Department, famous for its superior K9 unit, was somewhat taken back by this recent incident.

    Returning home from work, a blond was shocked to find her house has been ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

    As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the woman ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps put her face in her hands and moaned, ‘I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!’

    Blakk Frogg asks, “Do they have a sign which reads ‘Over 1 Billion Served’ as well?”

    = = = = = = = = =

    A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

    CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
    CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50
    HANDJOB: $10.00

    Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meager looking group of men.

    “Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “Can I help you?”

    “I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”

    “Yes”, she purrs, “I am.”

    The man replies “Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”


    Americas Best MySpace Foods Comments

    26 Feb, 2008

    One Armed Man Ponders Death

    Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes

    Blakk Frogg says, “When you think your life is the absolute worst, stop and look around for someone in worse shape than you. If cannot find one, then yes, you’re at the bottom of the barrel.”

    = = = = = = = = =

    A man who lost one of his arms in an accident became very depressed because he had loved to play the guitar and do a lot of things that took two arms.

    One day, he decided to end his life. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.

    He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw a man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels.. He looked closer and saw this man didn’t have any arms at all.

    He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.

    He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

    The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again.

    He asked him, “Why are you so happy anyway?”

    The man said, “I’m NOT happy…. My ass itches!”


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    First of all, you will like this site because it has lots of sarcasm, plenty of humor, and a healthy dose of everything your dear mommy warned you not touch when taking a shower at the local athletic club.


    • admin: How can people not like this photo? Seriously. These girls have WONDERFUL personalities that just leap out of their shirts, er, eyes. Yes. Blakk Fr
    • admin: In other news, the children ingested so much of the drug that it took their parents a solid two weeks to catch the little bastards and beat their behi
    • Intimate Touch Tuesday | MySpace Comments & Jokes: [...] you survived the horror called Monday and showed back up to face… Tuesday. Good for you! As a reward for your devotion and effort, [...]