Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.

CLICK HERE FOR THE PICTURE
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A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right outside of the ladies dressing room for his Mom to come out. While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin’s skirt.

“Get your hand out of there!” she shouts. “Don’t you know that women have teeth down there?”

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn’t get bitten.

For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs. When he’s 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, “You know, you could go a little further if you want.”

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“Well, why don’t you put your hand down there?” she says, pointing to her crotch.

“HELL NO!” he cries, “you’ve got teeth down here!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she responds, “there’s no such thing as teeth down there!”

“Yes there are,” he says, “my Mom told me so.”

“No there aren’t,” she insists. “Here, look for yourself.” With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.

“No I’m sorry” he says. “My Mom already told me that ALL women have teeth down there.”

“Oh for crying out loud!” she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, “LOOK, I DON’T have any teeth down there.”

The boy takes a good long look and replies, “Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I’m not surprised!”

Toothpaste elicits no foul thoughts from most people… until now:

So the next time you go to scrape the filth off your choppers, just remember what your toothpaste is up to while you’re not looking…

Want to see more things that will haunt your dreams? Check out the latest additions to Americas Best MySpace Comments!

That’s right.  You heard it correctly.  Doggystyle.  Real rough, too. . . and with lots of hair pulling!

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

OK, folks… Everyone know Blakk Frogg likes a good joke about tampons and so forth, but what the HELL was this guy thinking?

Nothing screams “great in bed” more than dressing up in a giant maxipad and swinging tampon nunchucks dipped in ketchup at a girl. Seriously.

1. I’ll swallow it all… I love the taste.

2. Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?

3. I’m bored. Let’s shave my pussy!

4. Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?

5. That was a great fart! Do another one!

25 Things a Woman COULD Say: Page 1
25 Things a Woman COULD Say: Page 2
25 Things a Woman COULD Say: Page 3
25 Things a Woman COULD Say: Page 4
25 Things a Woman COULD Say: Page 5

A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Dear, would you like to say the blessing?”

“I wouldn’t know what to say,” replied the little girl, shyly.

“Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie,” the woman said.

Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, “Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?!”

Americas Best MySpace Random Comments

GENERAL RULES

1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

2. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

4. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

DINING OUT

1. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone….. Deodorant is a waste of good money.

Next Rules for Redneck Living Page

Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

You Don’t Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party.

We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house.

We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn’t want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later I get into the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” I said, as we drove away. “That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the backyard!”

The cab driver hit a parked car…

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9 Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.