Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her face and told her mother. “Frank Brown showed me his willy today!”

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, “It reminded me of a peanut”

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally’s Mum asked, “Really small was it?”

Sally replied, “No…salty!”

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An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren’t at home.

The father told the mother, “If he takes the money, he will be a businessman; if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest; but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a drunkard.”

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home.

He saw the note they had left, saying they’d be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality, then he left for his room carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said, “Damn! It’s even worse than I ever imagined…”

“What do you mean?” his wife inquired.

“He’s gonna be a politician!” the father replied.

Americas Best Sarcastic MySpace Comments

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Blakk Frogg loves beer and Sarcastic MySpace Comments.

Shameless self-promotion? Blakk Frogg? Never! That’s a lie. A rotten, stinkin’, dirty ass lie. He would NEVER think to slip a plug for his own products in the middle of this website. That would never happen. Not in a million years. Honest. He swears.

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The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the U. S. REDNECK SPECIAL FORCES (USRSF).

These 500 Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Missouri, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas, Tennessee and North & South Carolina boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given only the following five facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The mess in Iraq is expected to be over in about a week.

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A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry.

When it came back there are still stains in her panties.

The next week she encloses a note to the Chinese laundryman that says, “Use more soap on panties.”

This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. “Use more soap on panties.”

Finally fed up the Chinese man responded with his own note that said, “Use more paper on ass.”

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For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.”

The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”

Little Joe told him; “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike.”

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Blakk Frogg wants a bicycle, too, damn it….

An atheist decided to take a walk through the woods. “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself.

As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly bear charging towards him. His heart pumped frantically. As he tried to run, he tripped and fell to the ground.

As he rolled over to pick himself and continue running he saw that the bear had caught up to him and stood tall, raising its paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant he cried out: “Oh my God!”

Time stopped, the bear froze in place, and the forest had fallen silent.

Suddenly a bright light shined down upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying, You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”

The atheist looked directly into the light. “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?”

Very well, said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the rest resumed.

And the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke “Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen.”

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Mmmmm Mmmmm Good. Athiest stew. Sounds like a yummy food.

In other news, a string of seemingly unrelated car crashes throughout the city baffled police for hours until once very astute patrolman noticed a ‘suspicious’ woman seen walking in the background of all the surveillance tapes taken from the areas surrounding each car wreck.

Immediately an APB (All Points Bulletin) went out over the radio and within minutes an officer spotted the woman and confronted her.  Here’s what happened:

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

The officer issued the woman a ‘warning’ and released the woman without incident.

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Yep. Some women really love Sarcasm and others really like Blakk Frogg…….

Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, “Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?”

“But Dad, it wasn’t my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That’s when she hit me!”

“Johnny,” the father said. “You don’t do those kind of things to women.”

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, I thought we had a talk!”

“But Dad,” Johnny said, “It wasn’t my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn’t like this, so I pushed it back in!”

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Find Girls for MySpace that are MUCH hotter than Johnny’s teacher here.

A girl goes to confession.

“Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday.”

“Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??” the priest asked.

“Because, Father, he touched me on my arm without permission.”

“Do you mean like this??” He touches her arm.

“Yes Father.”

“That’s no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But Father he also touched my breasts.”

“You mean like this??” He touches her breasts.

“Yes Father.”

“That’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But Father, he took off my clothes.”

“Like this??” He takes off her clothes.

“Yes Father.”

“That’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But Father he then put his you-know-what… in my you-know-where… and he wasn’t even using a condom.”

“Like this??” He put his you-know-what… in her you-know-where… without a condom.

“Yes father,” she says sometime later… after Father had finished with his you-know-what… in her you-know-where.

“But that’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father,” the girl says… “He has AIDS.”

“THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!”

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Find more offensive jokes like that on Simply Frogg, but only if you promise to wash your hands thoroughly afterwards.