Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A girl goes to confession.

“Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday.”

“Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??” the priest asked.

“Because, Father, he touched me on my arm without permission.”

“Do you mean like this??” He touches her arm.

“Yes Father.”

“That’s no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But Father he also touched my breasts.”

“You mean like this??” He touches her breasts.

“Yes Father.”

“That’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But Father, he took off my clothes.”

“Like this??” He takes off her clothes.

“Yes Father.”

“That’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But Father he then put his you-know-what… in my you-know-where… and he wasn’t even using a condom.”

“Like this??” He put his you-know-what… in her you-know-where… without a condom.

“Yes father,” she says sometime later… after Father had finished with his you-know-what… in her you-know-where.

“But that’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father,” the girl says… “He has AIDS.”

“THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!”

Americas Best Humor/Sarcasm Website

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Find more offensive jokes like that on Simply Frogg, but only if you promise to wash your hands thoroughly afterwards.

One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had an itch in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said, “You have crabs”

She informed the doctor that it could not be crabs because she was an eighty-year old virgin.

She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, “You probably have crabs” “NO” she said, “I am an eighty year old virgin.”

Frustrated, she went to a third doctor. She said, “Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don’t tell me that it’s crabs because I am an eighty-year old virgin. It can’t be crabs.”

The doctor said, jump on the table and let’s have a look.”

After examining her the doctor proclaimed,

“Ma’am, you”re right, you don’t have crabs, this cherry is so old, you have fruit flies!

Americas Best Humor/Sarcasm Website

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Find disgustingly funny MySpace Sex Comment Pictures

Two business men in NY City are sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store isn’t ready only a few shelves are set up.

One says to the other, “I bet any minute now some tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we’re selling.”

No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious hillbilly from the south walks to the window, has a peek, and in a deep Southern drawl asks, “What’re y’all sellin’ here?”

One of the men replies, “Oh! We’re selling assholes here.”

Without skipping a beat, the southerner says, “Well, I see y’all’re doing really good, you only got two left!”

Americas Best MySpace Comments

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Stop calling Blakk Frogg an asshole just because he loves Sarcasm.

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned!

Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”

Americas Best MySpace Comments

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Go and check out Sarcastic MySpace Comments …… if you dare!

Bad: You can’t find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter “borrowed” it.

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son’s room.
Worse: You’re in it.

Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.

Bad: Your husband’s a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.

Bad: Your son’s involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.

Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She’s a lawyer.

Bad: Your wife’s leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.

Bad: Your wife’s leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.

Bad: Your wife’s arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.

Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You’re arrested.
Worse: By your husband.

Good: The postman’s early.
Bad: He’s wearing camos and has an AK-47.

Good: The secretary said “yes.”
Bad: Your wife says “no.”
Worse: Wife caught the two of you and screamed, “Oh HELL no!”

Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He’s gay.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: So did the postman.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.

Good: You get a three-day weekend.
Bad: You get the flu on Friday.

Good: You get tickets to the theatre.
Bad: It’s performance art.

Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter’s the headliner.

Good: Your boyfriend’s exercising.
Bad: So he’ll fit in your clothes.

Good: Your car conveniently “runs out of gas.”
Bad: For real.

Good: Your child’s “waiting for Mr. Right”.
Bad: Your son, that is.

Good: Your daughter’s on the Pill.
Bad: She’s thirteen.

Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.

Good: Your son’s doing extra credit work.
Bad: Making a sex ed video.

Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.
Bad: It’s counterfeit.

Good: Your wife bought a porn video.
Bad: Your daughter’s the star.

Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.

Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She’s coming home.

Good: Your wife’s kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Worse: All of them.

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Good: You made it to Happy Hour
Bad: All the beer’s gone. Blakk Frogg would cry…..

An older guy was somewhat lonely and decided he needed a pet to keep him company. So, off to the pet shop he went. He searched and searched but none of the pets seemed to catch his interest… except for this ugly frog. As he walked by the jar it was in, he looked and it winked at him.

It whispered, “I’m so lonely, too. Buy me and take me home with you. You won’t ever be lonely again.”

The old guy figured, what the heck… He hadn’t found anything else. So, he bought the frog and he placed it in the car on the front seat beside him.

Americas Best MySpace Comments

As he was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to him, “Kiss me and you won’t be sorry.”

So the old guy figured, what the heck, and kissed the frog.

Immediately The frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, beautiful princess.

The princess then returned the old man’s kiss.

Suddenly, the old guy felt himself changing from her kiss.

Can you guess what he turned into?

C’mon…. Be a sport. Take a guess.

He turned into…

The first motel he could find!

He’s old…. not DEAD!

Americas Best MySpace Comments

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer’s new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend’s life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley; and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer’s bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies. Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit; and soon he, too, began to sink and cried out to t he horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his penis so he could then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

(Yep, you bet there IS a moral!)

“When You’re Hung Like A Horse, You Don’t Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks.”

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Blakk Frogg loves a good joke so he has made more than 600 of them available on…… Simply Frogg.

Here’s a list of ‘fun’ things you could do in your spare time…..

Well, there’s sex, you can have sex, sexual intercourse, a quickie, consummate a marriage, couple, copulate, coddle, or commit the act of procreation.

You could be making whoopee, making love, love making, scrogging, slapping skin, or sweating to the oldies.

You could sleep with someone, sleep together, sleep around, fool around, whore around, screw around, or just screw, shag, shank, score, fornicate, fork, pork, pump, poke, plank, pound, boff bonk, bop, bone bang, or boink.

You could be dancing between the sheets, doing the horizontal bop, the horizontal mambo, the prone boogie, or even the hunka-chunka.

You could be humping, bumping, humping and bumping, bumping uglies, the ol’ bump and grind, or making the two backed beast.

You could play doctor, hide the salami, hide the sausage, because dammit, it’s the most fun you can have with your clothes off.

You could break in a new mattress, or give the old one a workout.

You could be squeaking the springs, annoying the neighbors, or making a big mistake.

You could get them in the sack, get little action, get a little nookie, get a piece of tail, get a piece of ass, get it on, get some, get frisky, get lucky, get laid, get all hot and sticky, or just get it wet, and, I’m not making this up, get a little sticky steak up in this bitch.

You could be mounted, mounting, rutting, breeding, starting a family, pulling the train, slamming the stack. Two for me, none for you.

Not going anywhere for a while? You could turn a trick, or take pity on the poor bastard and give it away.

Happy hammering, hammer, nail, sow your wild oats, lose your virginity, or induce pregnancy the old fashioned way.

Take a roll in the hay, a trip to the tunnel of love, or a trip to paradise if you’re taking the scenic route.

Hit a home run, hit the twizzer, knock boots, tap that ass, shoplift the pootie, plunder the booty, count the ceiling tiles, ruin a friendship, or close the scroat.

Do the wild thing, do it, doing it, doing the nasty, the nasty, the old in-out in-out, dip the wick, dip the stick (or if you’re with a moron you could stick the dip).

Wet the noodle, check the oil, check the temperature, give her the pork sword injection, or the hot beef injection, depending on your religion.

Or perhaps even commit assault with a vein laden meat pipe (that’s my favorite).

You could give in, give it up, go for it, go for the gold, go for the gusto, go for broke, or even go all the way, after all, it is the fastest way to the top.

You could engage in a fluid transfer, relieve some tension, relieve some pressure, or experience a hormonal episode.

It’s a labor of love, hanky panky, and as a friend of mine once said “the noblest of all causes”.

or….you could just FUCK.

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Looking for other Adult MySpace Comments?

A mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home she asks her husband, “What is a specimen?”

He replies, “Hell if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She’s a nurse.”

The woman goes next door and comes back in about twenty minutes with her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face and body.

“What in the world happened?” asked her husband.

“Damn if I know,” she replies. “I asked Edith what a specimen was and she told me to go piss in a bottle. I told her to go shit in her hat and then all hell broke loose.”

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Bored? The take your bored ass on over to Americas Best MySpace Comments for some fun!

A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. “Dear Lord,” she prays, “if I don’t get some cash, I’m gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery.”

Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn’t win. She prays even harder, saying, “God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once.”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak. “Sweetheart, work with me on this,” he says. “Buy a ticket…”

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Blakk Frogg guarantees that you’ll get a good laugh at Simply Frogg.