Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

“Congratulations my boy!” said the groom’s uncle. “I’m sure you’ll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life.”

“But I’m not getting married until tomorrow,” protested his nephew.

“I know,” replied the uncle. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

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Blakk Frogg loves posting Sarcastic MySpace Comments.

Two rednecks were attending a party in the woods, when all of a sudden, the skies opened up and rained torrents on everybody. They ran for their car, jumped in, and gunned it. They were going pretty fast when an old man’s face appeared in the passenger window, knocking on it! The passenger screamed, but decided to roll down his window halfway.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“Do you have any tobacco?” asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette, and he went away.

“Go faster!” said the passenger. “I don’t want to see him again!” So the driver pushed the speedometer to 80 mph. But soon, the old man appears at the window again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window again.

“Do you have a light?” said the old man’s face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And the old man went away.

“Drive faster!” said the passenger. So they pushed it to 100 mph. But ten minutes later, the face returns. “What do you want from us?” screamed the passenger.

The old man gently replied “You jackasses want some help getting out of the mud?”

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Get your Redneck MySpace Comments while they’re hot!

When it comes to marriage, a lot of men ask, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

Well, women have caught up, it seems, and they have come up with a slogan of their own to use because according to a recent survey, around 80% of single women prefer to be single….

Curious as to why they feel that way?

Because women realize it’s not worth buying the entire pig… just to get a little sausage.

A golfer looking for his ball in the woods when he comes up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquires, “Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing?”

“I’m listening to the music of the tree.”

You gotta be kiddin’ me.”

“No, would you like to give it a try?”

Well, OK… So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against the tree. With this, the other guy slaps a set of handcuffs on him on the other side of the tree, takes his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then strips him naked and leaves.

Two hours later another nature lover strolls by, sees this guy handcuffed to the tree, stark naked, and asks, “What the hell happened to you?”

So he tells the guy the whole story about how he got there.

While he was telling his story, the other guy shakes his head in sympathy, walks around behind him, kisses him behind the ear and says, “This just isn’t gonna be your day.”

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Oh man… the guy shoulda’ stayed home and read the stuff Blakk Frogg posts on Americas Best.

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles year.

Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Blakk Frogg does his part to keep the American MPG Rating as high as possible.

Are you doing YOUR part?

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Blakk Frogg received a version of the ‘alcoholic alphabet’ in an email earlier today and found it a little too…. bland. Therefore he added a few things quickly and re-posted it here for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!

A – Alcohol: The key to surviving college, office holiday parties, weddings/funerals of relatives on the other side of your family and to some extent family reunions

B – Beer: Considered the most disgusting alcohol of all by many, but great for chugging and admit it, folks: the taste DOES grow on you after your first funnel

C – Class: What you’re supposed to get up and go to after a Thursday night party and also the thing you no longer have once the fifth shot of Jose Cuervo kicks in

D – Dancing: A favorite pasttime of almost every drunk; usually looks pathetic and involves excessive spin moves, twirls, arm flailing and erratic head jerking motions

E – Emergency: The keg has run dry and you have no one over 21 in your drinking party OR you live in a state where they do not sell alcohol on Sundays

F – Fucked Up: Signified by leaning over a toilet or small shrub puking your guts out and crying to the Heavens to make the world stop rotating so damned fast

G – Games: Anything that involves cards, dice, chugging beers and making fun of other people because they happen to puke… before you do

H – Hangover: Reminds you of how great last night was, how much you drank last night, and why you have only a handful of loose change left in your pocket despite having cashed your paycheck yesterday afternoon

I – Idiot: The guy that spilled his beer on you and everyone else at the party and tried to wash his hands in the fish tank

J – Jail: Where you’ll end up after trying to use a fake ID that expired two years ago or stagger home through the back parking lot of the local police station

K – Kissing: What you’ll do to anything that moves after 15 beers… including the floor if not careful

L – Lord: Person you beg to get you out of every situation involving alcohol and the Person you ask not to let you hook up with anything TOO ugly after drinking five shots of Jager and 6 Irish Car Bombs in under an hour

M – Money: That which you no longer have due to too much partying and paying your friends not to tell anyone about sasquatch you hooked up last Friday night

N – Not Again!: What you scream when you wake up beside someone you don’t know, hope you didn’t sleep with, and hope to God you can avoid waking up while sneaking out of his or house/apartment/room

O – Ouch: What you say while falling on your ass when you’re trying to walk home OR what you say when a friend announces he/she will go home with a hideous companion

P – Pee: What you have to do every five minutes while you’re drinking beer and also the thing that bonds and unites all females at the party and causes them to take group field trips to the rest room all the time

Q – Quilt: What you puked on last night in bed and have to clean in the morning… because you hooked up with a lard ass whose also drunken ass didn’t get out of the way so you could make it to the bathroom in time. Stupid lard ass shoulda’ moved

R – Reform: What you promise God you will do while you’re puking in the toilet or inthe back of your friend’s new car because… the window didn’t go down in time. Stupid window

S – Sex: What you TRIED to do with that person you met last night while you were drunk… but passed out face down in her panties (or his boxers) instead

T – Ten: The number of beers it takes ME to realize there are only two beers left in the 12-pack and that I need to go to the store ASAP

U – Underage: Most of the drinking population at college bars

V – Vodka: The mother of all alcohols because it mixes with pretty much ANYthing and allows inexperienced drinkers to get drunk in less than an hour

W – Worm: The part of Tequila that reminds you of Biology class tomorrow

X – X-Ray: How they can see into your belly before they force a chalk milkshake down your throat and pump your stomach

Y – Yourself: The one who drinks WAY TOO MUCH every weekend and STILL denies that you have ever done all those horrible things that your friend so kindly recorded with his new cellphone camera… Stupid cellphone cameras

Z – Zoned out: What you will be after drinking for 12 hours straight and not eating

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Looking for Alcohol and Drinking Related MySpace Comments?

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”

“I know,” the old man said. “We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.”

“Well,” Granny snickered. “Let’s relive some old times.”

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

“You know, honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, “My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.”

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In thbe mood for Sarcastic MySpace Comments?

Bill worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. “What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked.

“Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?”

“Oh, Bill, you didn’t” she exclaimed.

“Yes, I did.” he replied.

“My God, Bill, what happened?”

“I got fired.”

“No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?”

“Oh… She got fired too.”

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Find more jokes, and some even funnier ones, at Simply Frogg.

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife’s arm.

The wife turns over and says “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

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Laugh Your Ass Off at the Simply Frogg Jokes Page…..

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.”

She replies, “If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 221.”

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More great jokes at…… Simply Frogg!