Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis after his mistress found the ring in his pants pocket and got so mad at him that she stuck it ‘on him’ while he was asleep.

I don’t know what’s worse:

1) having your mistress find out you’re married.2) explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.

3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.

Words from Blakk Frogg:

Now what kind of host would leave you without some sort of pictures to highlight that small penis story?

Sarcastic MySpace Comments Dot Com

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says NO — he only lives a mile away.

About five blocks from party, the police pull him over. They check his license and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house around the block. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they’ll be right back and they run around the corner to the robbery.

The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr Smith is there and his ! wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.

The police still have his driver’s license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.

True story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting.

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.

Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead.”

Just about everyone likes to have sex, and who can blame them. Did you know that scientists recently broke sex down into seven different types?

• Click Here for Smurf Sex
• Click Here for Kitchen Sex
• Click Here for Bedroom Sex
• Click Here for Hallway Sex
• Click Here for Courtroom Sex
• Click Here for Religious Sex
• Click Here for Social Security Sex

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Some of these ‘funnies’ have circulated around the world a few million times, others have not. In any event, they are funny or sad, depending on your point of view. Deal with it.

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: “Free to good home. You want it, you take it.” For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: “Fridge for sale $50.” The next day someone stole it.

They Walk Among Us.

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted….”Look at that dead bird!” Someone looked up at the sky and said… “where???”

They Walk Among Us.

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?” When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, “Oh, I don’t keep up with that stuff.”

They Walk Among Us.

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”

They Walk Among Us.

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore She drove down in a convertible, but “didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving.”

more ‘they walk among us’ jokes

Anyone who has had a loved one in the hospital — or has been in the hospital — will appreciate this.

A woman called a local hospital. “Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients? I’d like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected or getting worse.”

The voice on the other end asked, “What is the patient’s name and room number?”

“Sarah Finkel, Room 302.”

“I’ll connect you to the nursing station.”

“Third floor nursing station. How can I help you?”

“I’d like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in Room 302.”

“Just a moment, let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is very well. In fact she had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours, and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home on Tuesday.”

The woman said, ” What a relief! Oh, that’s fantastic. That’s wonderful news.”

The nurse said, “From your enthusiasm, I take it, you are a close family member, or are you a very close friend?”

“Neither. I’m Sarah Finkel in Room 302. Nobody tells me shit.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

5. You think “The Nutcracker” is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.

Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.

more ‘you might be a redneck’ jokes

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.

They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe-box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe-box and took it to his wife’s bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.

When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.

“When we were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been a angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. “Honey,” he said, “that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from? “

“Oh,” she said, “That’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

The clothes you wear, your home furnishings and the car you drive all give clues to your sexual personality. The key is the colors you select for your possessions.

Ready to choose the color which one best suits you?

main | red | yellow | pink | purple | black
green | orange | brown | gray | blue | white

Not ready yet? OK, Well most people claim they haven’t a favorite color, but look around you and you’ll notice a pattern — especially in your clothing and home decor.

The predominant color for you is the one that appears most frequently – it’s the one that mirrors the sexual you.

NOW choose the color which one best suits you:

main | red | yellow | pink | purple | black
green | orange | brown | gray | blue | white

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Mr. Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn’t working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men’s Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves.

Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says, “Dear Mr. Burford… All is forgiven. Just tell us… where it is?”

Americas Best MySpace Toilet Comments