Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes’ Category

16 May, 2008

Woman Locked Out of Her Car

Posted by: admin In: Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication.

She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn’t know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.

The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, “You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car.

She looked at the hanger and said, “I don’t know how to use this.”

She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, “This is what you sent to help me?” But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, “Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car.

I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?

He said, “Sure.” He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, “Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man.”

The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.”

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, “Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!”

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk…
but the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow…
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine’s card at the store…
In hopes that, later, you’d be my whore.


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7. This feels so good, it feels so right…
I just wish it wasn’t $250 a night.

6. You’re a woman of style, you’re a woman of class…
especially when I’m spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished.
But now I’m fulfilled… SO MAKE ME A SANDWICH!


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4. Through all the things that came to pass,
Our love has grown but so has your ass.

3. You’re a honey and you’re a cutie…
I just wished you had J-Lo’s “booty.”

2. I don’t wanna be sappy or silly or corny…
So, right to the point, let’s do it, I’m horny!


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1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister…
you should see the one I gave your sister.


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As a result of the company’s recent financial troubles, the boss had to get rid of somebody. He narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.

It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers so rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The boss approached her and said: “Debra, I’ve never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.”

“Could you jack off?” she asked. “I feel like shit.”

11 May, 2008

Who is Jack Schitt?

Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Funny Jokes|Humor|Sarcastic

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

09 May, 2008

50th Anniversary Dinner

Posted by: admin In: Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one … “Sorry I’m running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn’t have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father. “The important thing is that we’re all together today.”

Son number two arrived and announced, “You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn’t have time to shop for you.”

“It’s nothing,” said the father. “We’re glad you were able to come.”

Just then the daughter arrived, “Hello and happy anniversary! I’m sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing… so I didn’t have time to get you anything.”

Again the father said, “I really don’t care, at least the five of us are together today.”

After they had finished dessert, the father said, “There’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much but we just never found the time to get married.”

The three children gasp and said, “You mean we’re bastards?”

“Yes,” said the father. “And cheap ones too.”


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At the end of the service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”

80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time, except one small elderly Lady.

“Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

“I don’t have any,” she replied, smiling sweetly.

“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”

“Ninety-eight,” she replied.

“Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?”

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:

“I outlived the bitches.”


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07 May, 2008

Bus Driver Insulted Her

Posted by: admin In: Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”

Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed her agitation and asked her what was wrong.

“The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed.

The man sympathized and said, “Why, he shouldn’t say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that.”

“You’re right,” she said. “I think I’ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!”

“That’s a good idea,” the man said. “Here, let me hold your monkey.”


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06 May, 2008

When Idiots Name Children

Posted by: admin In: Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic

One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard’s idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing above him.

“Mr. Phillard,” the doctor said, “you are in the recovery room. Don’t worry, your wife is fine and she had twins, a boy and a girl. Because you were unconscious and your wife was still under anaesthesia, she requested that your brother Bill name the kids.”

“What! My brother, the idiot! I can’t believe you let him! What did he name them?”

“He named your daughter Denise.”

“Hey, not bad! I underestimated my brother. What did he name my son?”

“He named your son Denephew.”


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Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.

As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969.”

The other points his thumb behind him and says, “Dog crap, 20 feet back.”


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04 May, 2008

What is Juan Smuggling?

Posted by: admin In: Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.

He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, apologizes for the inconvenience, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard. “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about….. I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”


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First of all, you will like this site because it has lots of sarcasm, plenty of humor, and a healthy dose of everything your dear mommy warned you not touch when taking a shower at the local athletic club.


  • admin: How can people not like this photo? Seriously. These girls have WONDERFUL personalities that just leap out of their shirts, er, eyes. Yes. Blakk Fr
  • admin: In other news, the children ingested so much of the drug that it took their parents a solid two weeks to catch the little bastards and beat their behi
  • Intimate Touch Tuesday | MySpace Comments & Jokes: [...] you survived the horror called Monday and showed back up to face… Tuesday. Good for you! As a reward for your devotion and effort, [...]