Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I spat in this beer, do not drink!”.

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”

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A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long – but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.”

The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”

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A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says “Hold on a second here – you can’t bring that animal in here, they aren’t allowed!”

So the man says, “But my gator here does a really cool trick…”

The bartender says “Well then, lets see!”

So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.

He looks around at the crowd and says, “Does anyone else want to try?”

An old lady raises her hand and says… “Sure, but don’t hit me with that stick.”

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There’s this drunk standing out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, “What do you think you’re doing?”

The drunk says, “I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I’m waiting on my house. Won’t be long now, there goes my neighbor.”

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There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building. The first man said ” I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!”

The second man says “Ok, sure,” and the barman holds the bet. The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in.

Disappointed about losing the $100, the second man says: “I’ll bet you another $100 you can’t do it again.”

So the barman holds the bet.

Sure enough, the first man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in.

Thinking there must be a freak gust of wind out there, the second man says, “Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back in.”

The first man says, “Ok, sure.”

The second man jumps out the window and falls to the footpath below. He is dead.

Back up in the bar, the barman says to the first man, “Gee, you can be a real prick when you’re drunk, Superman.”

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The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush. They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, “You know, I Have just one question about what I have seen in America.”

President Bush said, “Well, anything I can do to help you, I will.”

The Iranian whispered “My son watches this show ‘Star Trek’ and in it There is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is Japanese, but no Arabs. My son is very upset and doesn’t understand why there Aren’t any Iranians on Star Trek.”

President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back, “It’s because it takes place in the future.”

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Husband and wife in bed together.

She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.

She: “Oh, that feels good.”

His hand moves to her breast.

She: “Gee, honey, that feels wonderful.”

His hand moves to her leg.

She: “Oh, honey, don’t stop.”

But he stops.

She: “Why did you stop?”

He: “I found the remote.”

Now do you really think Blakk Frogg has finished with this topic? Hell no! He followed up w/ the husband at the local hospital and found the following:

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One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry’s house to play cards with some friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry’s wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry’s wife had her legs open and no panties He sat up and was flushed.

He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water.

To his surprise Terry’s wife had followed him into the kitchen and said, “Did you like what you saw?”

Mike said “Yes I did.”

She said, “Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500.”

So Mike thought about this financial situation and said, “O.K.”

She said, “Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then.”

Mike said, “I’ll see you then.”

The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left.

Later, Terry came home and asked, “Has Mike been over here today?”

She said, thinking she had been caught, “As a matter of fact, he did.”

Terry said, “Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you.”

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“Late again,” the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. “It ain’t my fault,” Miss Crabtree. “You can blame this on my Daddy. The reason I’m three hours late is Daddy sleeps naked!”

Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.

“You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma’s best milk goat. And last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, “That coyote’s back again, I’m a gonna git him!'”

“‘Stay back!” he yelled to all us kids.”

He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt!

To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that double barrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come sneakin’ up behind Daddy. Then we all looked on plumb helpless, as old Zeke stuck that cold nose in Daddy’s crack!

“Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin’ chicken guts out of the hen house since three o’clock this mornin’!”

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Three guys — a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total” says the Genie.

The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada .”

Pooooof! With a blink of the Genie’s eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, “I want an impenetrable wall around Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, and Syria with all believers of Mohammad inside and all Jews, Americans, and other infidel forever outside our precious state.”

Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie’s eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The American engineer asks, “I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall”.

The Genie explains, “Well, it’s 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds these countries……. it’s virtually impenetrable. Now what is your wish?”

The American engineer smiles and says, “World Peace.”

Pooooof! The Genie fills inside the wall with water!

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