Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A woman walking down the street when was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

She took out her wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless woman told her.

“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” she asked.

“No, I don’t waste time shopping,” the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” she asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!”

“Well,” the woman said, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight. “

This shocked the homeless woman. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I mean, like, I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting…”

To which the woman warmly replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.”

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Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

“Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.” Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1 MIKE’S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

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Blakk Frogg says, “Drinking heavily makes world a blurry place to live. I meant ‘better’, damn it.”

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A guy went into a bar one day and said to the bartender, “Give me six double vodkas.”

The bartender says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.”

“Yes, I just found out my older brother is gay.”

The next day the same guy went into the bar and asked for the same drinks.

When the bartender asked what the problem was this time and the answer came back, “I just found out that my younger brother is gay, too!”

On the third day the guy went into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender said, “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

“Yeah, my wife…”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Blakk Frogg has a friend who likes to drink. Yes, it’s true, and recently this friend posted this bulletin on MySpace:

Here is a list of things that I learned in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) that I found rather amusing. My main reason for posting this is because I am debating on stealing more of Pop’s liquor. I probably won’t, but I’m thinking about it just the same.

1) There is ALWAYS at least one hot chick getting treatment.

2) That hot chick is ALWAYS single.

3) That hot chick is NOT quitting.

4) If you tell nothing but maniacal drinking stories, everyone else in the group will actually try to help you get with the hot chick (proven through countless hot chicks at countless meetings).

5) If you are an alcoholic, you can die by quitting cold turkey. No other addiction can do that to you. (proven fact).

6) Just because you are going to a meeting that has other alcoholics, doesn’t mean they they still want to continue drinking.

7) Talking about “partying” and such is considered “Rude” to people that are actually trying to quit. Why you are talking to someone who wants to give up drinking, I don’t know.

8) If you get caught talking about partying during your treatment, you have to start all over again. Sometimes with more classes.

9) You will meet people from all walks of life. If you are majoring in Sociology, you will enjoy these meetings. If you are not, you can still learn new drinks, new drinking methods, and new ways to hide drinking from those who tell their stories.

10) IT’S EXPENSIVE!!!!! So don’t get caught with a DUI (Driving Under the Influence).

There you go everyone. Now off I go to make myself a Long Island. If I take a little of each, I shouldn’t get caught…. rather than taking one big drink from just one big bottle.

Thanks for tuning in to see the top fifteen MySpace Comments on Americas-Best.Com for the month of January 2007! You picked ’em so don’t blame us, damn it!

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Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Popular MySpace Comments 6 – 10

Blakk Frogg says, “One good turn deserves another, so turn around, go to the bar, and get me a beer!”

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

“Certainly, Sir , that’ll be one cent,” said the barman.

“One Cent?” the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: “How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?”

“A nickel,” the barman replied.

“A nickel?!?” exclaimed the man. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”

The bartender replied: “Upstairs, with my wife.”

The man asked: “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?”

The bartender replied: “The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Blakk Frogg says, “Accidents and coincidence often collide on snowy roads. I have no idea what that means.”

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So…. you’re a man. That’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days”.

Flattered, the man replies, “Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God.”

The woman continues, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police….”

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are evil. Don’t mess with them.

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

Blakk Frogg says, “Always remember where you park your wheels.”

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Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the Night celebrating Ireland’s draw with Germany.

Mick, the bartender says, “You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy”. Paddy replies “OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then.”

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. “Sh#te,” he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face.

“I’m fockin’ focked,” he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says “No fockin’ way”. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says “I can make it to the bed.” He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says “Fock it” and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, “Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?”. Paddy says, “I did Jess. I was fockin’ pissed. But how’d you know?”

“Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub.”

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Blakk Frogg has always found great amusement in watching people inverting their bodies over a keg while their friends held the business end of a tap (the hose for all you rookies out there) in their mouth… with the idea in their head that the longer they stay inverted and drinking, the more people will respect and admire them.

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

OK, well that worked at frat parties, house parties and even at a variety of other types of parties that Blakk Frogg has had the pleasure of attending. But NOW he thinks he has found the Ultimate Time for a Keg Stand!

No, not after a mid-term. No, not after graduating college. No, not after winning the lottery and finding out you also inherited all of Microsoft, either.

Think of it this way: Nothing screams, “I’m so happy to be getting hitched!” more than doing a keg stand at your own wedding… in your wedding dress!

Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

Now no one’s saying that sort of behavior is wrong, but it certainly is a bit unusual… Bottoms Up!

Everyone knows Blakk Frogg likes to drink. Therefore, he proudly presents you with a joke about the creation of a new, yummy mixed drink BOUND to make the ladies squeal!

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and asks, “Bartender, got any specials today?”

Bartender answers, “Why yes, as a matter of fact we do, a brand new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It’s a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka.”

The guy asks, “Good grief, what do you call that?”

The bartender replied, “A Pabst Smir.”

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments