Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

The war against boring, lackluster Saturday morning blogging has begun and Blakk Frogg feels proud to strike first!

So if you believe that Saturday mornings deserve a little spice, post some, read some and hopefully before the end of the day you’ll actually GET some!

 – blakk frogg

Blakk Frogg conducted an independent study recently and determined that large breasted women have poor aim when shooting handguns.

He rationalized that the presence of excess mammary tissue caused a shift in gravitational forces affecting the barrel of the handgun, thus causing their bullets to miss their intended targets.

While he cannot fully substantiate this claim, he does review the following research material quite frequently:

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Any questions?

Once again the infamous Blakk Frogg dares to push the limits of good taste by publishing a blog entitled “Oral Sex”.

Oh, and if you HAVE to ask what “oral sex” means, either ‘cuz you never learned or have long since forgotten its meaning, you might wanna’ consider visiting your local ‘Red Light District’ for a crash course. And bring cash, ‘cuz Sally Streetwalker doesn’t accept American Express!

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free jokes, comments and graphics

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free jokes, comments and graphics

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free jokes, comments and graphics

In case you want ’em for YOUR MySpace pages, blogs, whatever…. visit Simply Frogg MySpace Comments and pick up the drag-n-drop code today!

I said TODAY, damn it! TODAY!

– blakk frogg

Little Johnny’s neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word “ears” he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said: “What a beautiful baby.”

The mother said: “Why, thank you, Little Johnny.”

Johnny said: “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?”

“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.”

“That’s great,” said Little Johnny, “‘cuz he’d be shit-outta-luck if he needed glasses.”

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

2) TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f______ problem.

8) TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.

10) TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the h___ didn’t you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I’m on salary.

15) TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.

——————-

And yes, Blakk Frogg works in an office — when he’s not at Happy Hour.

We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below …

GUTS: is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS: is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: “You’re next.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, “Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post, and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ‘urges’. That’s why we have the camel.”

The Captain says, “I can’t say that I condone this, but I understand about ‘urges’, so the camel can stay.”

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he’s done, he asks the Sergeant, “Is that how the men do it?”

“No, not really, sir. They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are.”

As punishment for the gratuitous ‘scantily clad ladies’ postings in recent days Blakk Frogg now must post jokes that poke fun at….. men. 

1. Men are like ….Laxatives …… They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like ..Bananas …… The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ……Weather ….. Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like …..Blenders …. You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

5. Men are like …..Chocolate Bars … Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ….Commercials …… You can’t believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ..Department Stores …. Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like …….Government Bonds ….. They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ……Mascara ….. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like .Popcorn .. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like . Snowstorms … You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like …….Lava Lamps … Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots ……. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”

–Robert De Niro

Harold is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden.

They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.

After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, “Do you know what I miss most of all?”

She asks, “What?”

“Sex!!” he replies.

Mildred exclaims, “Why you old poop. You couldn’t get it up if I held a gun to your head!”

“I know,” Harold says, “but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.”

“Well, I can oblige,” says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood, and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold’s manhood.

Then one night Harold didn’t show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K.

She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold’s manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled, “You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don’t have?”

Old Harold smiled happily and replied, “Parkinson’s.”

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Have you ever wondered what goes on at a Gynecologist Convention?

Do they have secret greetings and handshakes?

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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Sadly enough, that answer is……. yes.