Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A hug leads to a kiss… a kiss leads 2 a finger… a finger leads to a hand… a hand leads to a lick… lick leads to a suck… a suck leads 2 a fuck.

So tell me how many people are you gonna hug after you heard this ‘cuz sex is like math:

“You add the bed… subtract the clothes… divide the legs… leave your solution… and pray you don’t Multiply!”

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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “Dark in here.”

The man says, “Yes, it is.”

Boy – “I have a baseball.”

Man – “That’s nice.”

Boy – “Want to buy it?”

Man – “No, thanks.”

Boy – “My dad’s outside.”

Man – “OK, how much?”

Boy – “$250”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy – “Dark in here.”

Man – “Yes, it is”.

Boy – “I have a baseball glove.” The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

Boy – “$750”.

Man – “Sold.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.

The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

Boy -“$1,000.”

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

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Wow. Blakk Frogg thinks the groom deserves a medal for courage under fire. For real. No lie. Seriously. He means it.

“You’ve got to love this guy. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.

It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it on his show.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the guests. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the Bride’s and his family and his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.

He said this was his gift to everyone and asked them to open up their envelopes. Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his new bride having sex with the Best Man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After watching the guests reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said “F— You!”, then he turned to his bride and said, “F— You!”.

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said “I’m outta here!”

He had the marriage annulled the next day.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing ever happened.

His Revenge: making the bride’s parents pay over $32,000.00 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think he might get a MasterCard “priceless” commercial out of this?

• Elegant Wedding Reception for 300 guests: $32,000
• Wedding Photographs: $3,000
• Honeymoon in Maui: $8,500

The look on everyone’s face when they saw the 8×10 of the bride humping the best man? PRICELESS!

There are some things that money can’t buy, for everything else there’s MASTERCARD!“

Millions of people worldwide searched for this doll over the Holidays last year and, well, Blakk Frogg uncovered the reason WHY no one could find them on store shelves…

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee… He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed upthat there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.

“I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, “but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday….”

“Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.”

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A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him.

So the first morning of her honeymoon the young Japanese bride crawled out of bed after making love passionately to her new husband, stooped down to pick up her husband’s clothes, and accidentally let out an enormous fart.

She looked up bashfully, and said, “Aww. So sorry… Excuse please. Front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud!”

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South Carolina (A.P. Newswire) — Following a string of complaints from residents about unusually large numbers of men cruising up and down the streets of towns located throughout certain parts of South Carolina, State and Local law enforcement agents set out to catch these men and bring them to Justice.

After setting up surveillance to see what draws all these men out, the departments pooled their resources and came up with the perfect plan to catch them. To date, more than 740 men have been arrested thanks to the help of South Carolina’s newest law enforcement officer:

Click Here For A Picture of This Brave Agent in Action

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.

“Where have you been?” his wife demanded.

“I can’t lie to you,” he replied, “I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.”

She looked down at his shoes and said: “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!”

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“In My Bed, Thinking of You…”

As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this

strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I

can’t forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly

during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in

my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

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You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any

reservations, you laid on my naked body…you sensed

my indifference, so you started to bite my body

without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me

crazy while you sucked me dry.

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Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you

were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only

the sheets bore witness to last night’s events.

My body still shows your marks, making it harder to

forget you. Tonight I will remain awake waiting for

you… as soon you appear I will quickly grab you and

won’t let you go, will hold you with all my strength

so you won’t disappear. Won’t rest until l squeeze

your blood out….. you fucking little mosquito.

Blakk Frogg says, “Vanity can lead a man to an ugly truth he’d rather not know.”

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: “There’s no way I can be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?”

The wife smiled sweetly and replied: “Not this time!”

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