Things I Learned Over the Years
Age 6 — I’ve learned that if you spread the peas out on your plate, it looks like you ate more.
Age 7 — I’ve learned that you can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
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Age 7 — I’ve learned that if you laugh and drink soda pop at the same time, it will come out your nose.
Age 10 — I’ve learned that you should never jump out of a second story window using a sheet for a parachute.
Age 13 — I’ve learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.
Age 16 — I’ve learned that when my parents are in a bad mood, it’s best to agree to everything they say or things get nasty.
Age 27 — I’ve learned that I should never praise my mother’s cooking when I’m eating something fixed by my wife.
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Age 30 — I’ve learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
Age 31 — I’ve learned that nothing really bad happens when you tear those little “do not remove” tags from pillows.
Age 42 — I’ve learned that marrying for money is the hardest way of getting it.
Age 52 — I’ve learned that if you like garlic salt and Tabasco sauce you can make almost anything taste good.
Age 53 — I’ve learned that after age 50 you get the furniture disease. That’s when your chest falls into your drawers.
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