Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in the United States, given the vast and expansive landscape from which we OUGHT to have no trouble getting the fossil fuel to meet our needs.

Blakk Frogg figured out the problem and believe it or not, the answer won’t surprise you one damn bit: Nobody bothered to check the oil!

Simply put, we just didn’t know we had started to run low and the reason for our not knowing comes from a purely geographical reason.

Our OIL is located in Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana, Kansas, Michigan, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, and Texas….

… and our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DC.

Any Questions?

The World’s First Politician

Americas Best MySpace Comments

When a woman wears leather clothing:

• A man’s heart beats quicker

• and his throat gets dry,

• and he goes weak in the knees,

• and he begins to think irrationally. . . .

Ever wonder why?

It’s because she smells like a new truck.

….. and after an accident like this one, well, you may need a new truck….. AND a new Ferrrari!

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners.”

“Go away!” said the old lady. “I haven’t got any money! “I’m Broke!” and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door And pushed it wide open.

“Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.”

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of
this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”

The old lady stepped back and said, “Well I hope you’ve got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of broke do you not understand?”

Simply Frogg and Americas Best

Every great once in a while a photo opportunity will come our way that we simply cannot turn down. This time a bombshell of a babe with a Harley Davidson practically begged us to photograph her and her motorcycle next to some totally gorgeous bacon.

Our mommas taught us better than to turn down the polite request of young lady with a healthy rack, so…

First-year students at North Carolina State University’s Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, “In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example,” the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

Then he announced, “Life’s tough, it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.”

—————–

Go ape shit over Americas Best MySpace Animal Comments, you sick little monkeys!

A smart-ass lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff’s deputy. He thinks that he is much better than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston, TX . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy’s expense.

The deputy says, “License and registration, please.”

“What for?” asks the lawyer.

The deputy says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

Then the lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.”

“You still didn’t come to a complete stop,” says the deputy. “License and registration, please.”

The lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”

“The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!” the Deputy repeats.

Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

“That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,” the deputy says. At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, “Now, do you want me to “stop” or just “slow down?”

Americas Best MySpace Girls Comments

A recent study released by the Institute for the Development of Ridiculously Stupid Bacon Claims states that consuming large amounts of bacon and sausage will cure a hangover.

“After studying the results obtained from a double blind, half somersault experiment conducted at a friend’s house, we concluded that eating as much bacon and sausage after a long night of drinking will, in fact, cure a hangover… as long as you sleep a lot, drink lots of non-alcoholic fluids, and wait 48 hours before attempting to do anything useful.”

Critics argue that the study will give uneducated people the wrong idea about bacon’s healing powers and encourage people to drink excessively only because they think they will have an easy way to get around hangovers.

Authors of the study replied to that accusation by saying, “Uneducated people get what they deserve! If anyone takes studies like this seriously, well, they deserve a throbbing headache, nausea, cold sweats and vomiting!”

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.”

The little boy replied, “My daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.”

The priest looked up from his book and answered, “I am the Father of many.”

The boy said, “My dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way.”

The priest, getting impatient, said, “I am the Father of hundreds,” and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.”

When we first told people about this pre-dinner treat that our waitress at Four Moons Restaurant slopped down in front of us, many people gave us funny looks and asked, “Uh, duck? With melon sorbet? WTF?!?”

At first we also wondered about the combination but once we stuffed this culinary treat into our feed holes, well, all doubts and suspicions vanished quicker than money from our bank accounts after a payroll direct deposit!

It may not look like much, partially due to the crappy photography skills and equipment that we possess, but it tasted AWESOME!

For those who have never had prosciutto, let alone DUCK prosciutto, you have seriously missed out on a kick ass meat! Now go out and try some, ya’ silly bastards!

If you can’t eat it or screw it,

Piss on it and walk away.