Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

While many people have found love, happiness and contentment in their current relationship, Blakk Frogg would now like to address THE REST of the world who, like him, seems to suck at dating:

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

And no, this does NOT mean Blakk Frogg gets hookers.  Not unless you count that time he paid your mom $17 to suck the poison out of a snakebite…..

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. “So, how is everything going?” inquired God.

“It’s all so beautiful, God,” Eve replied. “The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights — everything is so wonderful; but I have just one problem. It’s these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They’re a real pain,” reported Eve.

Eve went on to tell God that, since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more “symmetrically balanced”.

“That’s a fair point,” replied God. “But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.” And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. “Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?”

“Just fantastic,” she replied, “except for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has a bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.”

God thought for a minute, and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now, let’s see … where did I put that useless boob?”

Now doesn’t that make more sense than that story about the rib?

Americas Best MySpace Comments

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New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you don’t particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don’t eat anything that’s served to you out a window unless you’re a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?!?!?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you’re a dope. If you’re a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you’re a grown man, they’re pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here’s how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we’re done.

New Rule: There’s no such thing as flavored water. There’s a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That’s your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop fucking with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that’s square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a “decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low and one NutraSweet,” oooooh, you’re a huge asshole.

New Rule: I’m not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing “Enter,” verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don’t want cash back, and pressing “Enter” again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you spiritual. It’s right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to “beef with broccoli.” The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren’t pregnant. You’re not spiritual. You’re just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn’t a sport. It’s one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What’s next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They’re already doing that. It’s called “The Howard Stern Show.”

New Rule: I don’t need a bigger mega M&M. If I’m extra hungry for M&Ms, I’ll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you’re going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what’s playing on the other screens. Let’s remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it’s for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving, it’s the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can’t even tell if he’s supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don’t want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to know in months. “27 Months.” “He’s two,” will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place.

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Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

Ready for funny shit that everyone else has already read, loved and possibly forgotten to send you ‘cuz they were too busy instant messaging your mom? Check out the most read Simply Frogg Pages for September of 2007!

(1) Free MySpace Comments Index Page

(2) Simply Frogg Jokes Index Page

(3) Simply Frogg Pictures Index Page

(4) Clit Diagram for Men and Child Terrorist

(5) Lesbian keg party kissng girls, bondage bears, and man with pier pole jammed up his ass

(6) Truth about male/female conversations, cloning stops beastiality, coldest cab ever

(7) Soccer player grabs another player’s crotch, alligator wants to come inside, kid gets dragged away from MySpace by father

(8) Stoner Smurf, big nuts squirrel has a beer, and squirrels are nature’s little speedbumps

(9) Passed out drunk squirrel, Hoover products suck and Haze the pitbull

(10) Measuring her saggy boobs, naked senior citizens in conga line, and a kitty wrapped up in a towel

Tune in next time as we stick turkey basters up our rear ends and snort marbles through cocktail straws!

  – blakk frogg