Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

Later I tried to explain to her how the beer would make her look ten times better at night than the cold cream.

The swelling in my right eye finally went down enough for me to see around three this afternoon.

“No,” she quickly answered and then turned away.

Thinking I could win her over with charm, I then asked, “Is that your final answer?”

This time she didn’t even turn around before simply saying, “No.”

So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend…”

I had no idea you could get a concussion from a cell phone…

The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but the paramedics pulled you out of a huge pile-up on the Interstate a few weeks ago. Don’t fret, though because you will walk again. More or less you will be fine, with one exception: In the chaos of the collision your ‘manhood’ got severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”

As the man lays there groaning over his lost manhood, the doctor goes says, “You’ve got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we can rebuild you a new penis… but the operation will cost lot since it’s a relatively new technology. It’ll cost roughly $1,000 an inch.”

Hearing the glimmer of hope, the man perks up.

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“So,” the doctor says, “Now you must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you have been married for over thirty years, so I do believe you ought to talk this over with your wife before making a decision.”

“The doctor goes on to say, “If you had a five-incher before and get a nine-incher now, she might be a bit put out.”

Before the man has a chance to respond, the doctor continues by saying, “On the other hand, if you had a nine-incher before and decide to only invest in a five-incher now, she might be a bit disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”

“Yes I have,” says the man.

“And… has she helped you make a decision?”

“Yes” says the man.

“OK, that’s great. What’s your decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting granite counter tops.”

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She was so mad – she grabbed him by the hair of his head and yanked him right out of bed and across the room. She dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn.

She put his tally-whacker in a vice, and then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old rusty saw.

The banged up farmer was terrified, and hollered, “Stop! Stop! you’re not gonna’ cut it off with that rusty damn saw, are you?”

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her cheating husband’s hand and said, “Nope. I’m gonna’ set this old shed on fire, and go to town for a cold beer. You do what you gotta’ do!!!”

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Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write “Spaghetti” on the back.

He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

“Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange post card today.”

“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it,” he said nonchalantly.

The wife watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”

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History: Blakk Frogg came across the above photograph mounted on the wall of an Italian restaurant on the outskirts of Munich, Germany near the old Munich airport. Not that too many of you would CARE where the image came from, but for those that did care, thank you for caring. As for the rest of you, go scratch!

In honor of last year’s timely demise, Blakk Frogg will now reveal the most popular Blakk Frogg Joke Blog Postings for the Filthy-Minded Masses. Enjoy!

• Potato Prostitute?
• Sarcastic Motivational Posters
• Dirty-Minded MySpace Comment Pictures
• Seven Types of Sex
• Cheerleader Spin the Bottle
• Carolina Panthers Cheerleader Booty
• Dear Abby Bass Fishing Letter
• Humor for Mature Minded Individuals
• Funny Jokes for Adults
• Love the Harley Davidson

Well we hope you enjoyed 2009′s most popular perversions and will continue to tune into Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog in 2010… ‘cuz we promise to keep posting stuff you will most likely deny ever reading!

Oh, and before we go, you really should Click Here to See Me Naked. Ha ha…

The bartender brings the drink and puts the following tems on the bar: A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

“First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice.”

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.

He puts the salt on his tongue… salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys… smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks… this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.

In one second the sharp lime taste hits… At two seconds the Baileys curdles. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency hits. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.

This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, “Jesus, what do you call that drink?”

She smiles widely at him and says, “Blow Job Revenge.”

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Visit MySpace Sarcasm if…
you like peanut butter between your toes

And now we must begin the list of Christmas postings we’ve posted over the years on Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog… so deal with it!

• Merry Christmas, Bitch! — a Blakk Frogg Favorite!
• Perfect Man, Perfect Woman, and Santa Claus
• Loud Fart on Christmas Morning

• Most Popular for Last 30 Days
• Funny Jokes for Adults
• Squirrels in Houses of Worship

• Train Set and Bad Language
• You Might be a Redneck Jokes
• Christmas Party in Alaska

• Facts About Reindeer
• Onions and Christmas Trees
• Pissed Off Santa Poem

• 20 Ways to Confuse Santa Clause
• Blondes Decorating My Christmas Tree
• Pedro and His Girlfriend

• No More Ho’s for Santa Clause?
• Reality for Pumpkins After Halloween Passes

Well there you have it. Blakk Frogg’s official Christmas posting. Now someone PLEASE get him a case of beer! Pronto!

Now, however, thanks to the folks responsible for Americas Best MySpace Comments, the infamous Blakk Frogg also suggests that people also watch WHERE they eat. See below for details:

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The above image raises questions, oh yes it does:

1) Is there a Mrs. Tube Steak wandering the streets alone, desperate for a set of buns to get between before getting smothered with the special meat sauce?

2) What the hell’s IN the special meat sauce?

Now that Blakk Frogg’s Sarcasm has most likely ruined your ability to have lunch, he, too, will now go and puke up his breakfast.

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My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got a view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

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One day the little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and! if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test…..we couldn’t ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family!!!”

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And the moral of this story is:

Always keep the condoms in your car.

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