Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Naturally I wonder what sort of options the Caucasian Sip-n-Slurp comes with. A bib, perhaps? And can you order your Sip-n-Slurp in a choice of hair colors? Body type? Suction rating?

The game warden heard about this and showed up one Sunday afternoon. After inspecting the old farmers fish, he turned to the farmer and said “If you don’t show me your fishing spot , I’m going to have to close you down.”

The farmer replied by telling him to come out to the farm in the morning and he would take him fishing.

The next morning the game warden shows up with his pole and the farmer tells him to climb onto the tractor. They head out into this big field until they come to a little pond.

The warden is scratching his head because all he sees is a rotten old skiff, when he expected a large lake and something closer to a yacht.

The farmer said to get in and they start rowing out to the middle. About this time the warden notices that there are no fishing poles.

As he is about to say something, the farmer reaches into a box and pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it into the pond.

After the water and smoke settle, he paddles around picking up the fish.

The warden’s jaw is on the deck. He can’t talk for a minute. When he finds his voice, he starts in on the farmer about how he can’t believe what just happened and starts screaming to the farmer about all the regulations he has broken.

While this is taking place the farmer calmly reaches into the box grabs another stick of dynamite, lights it, hands it to the warden and asks him if he is going to fish or talk.

Simply Frogg and Americas Best

God (or whatever deity you believe in) has blessed this Country. Return the blessing by helping those around you!

Pass it on if ya’ think this makes sense!

Blakk Frogg says, “I Pledge Allegiance to the Flag…”

Americas Best MySpace Political Comments

Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening’s lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, “Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?”

“That is an extremely simple question,” he responded. “So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do.”

Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

That bloody ice is lethal. Warn all your friends: Lay off the ICE!

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Last week a puff of white hair and knuckles pulled out of a driveway at 3 mph in her boat of a car, drove 30 feet down the road, and turned into another driveway. My speed had to go from 64’ish to under 20 in a very, very, short period of time. Needed the ‘ole lock and turn maneuver to avoid her – and she never even noticed it happened.

This morning I almost had the pleasure of exchanging phone numbers with a young (probably) trailer park chick in what looked like a blue cavalier with a bad aftermarket paint job. Apparently her driving instructor failed to mention that if stopped at a FLASHING RED LIGHT and the vehicle across from her has not, yet, moved… that she ought to take a good look to her left and right because the other driver might see ANOTHER VEHICLE WITH THE RIGHT OF WAY bearing down on that intersection. I got a twinge in my spine that told me to slow down a bit as I got closer to the intersection and I sit here now to TESTIFY that knocking those few mph off of my speed kept my fully brake locked vehicle from T-boning the dog snot out of that bad driving [insert ‘b’ word here] who never even acknowledged that she had come less than a few feet from getting my phone number and a most definitely a fast-paced trip to the hospital in a bone box.

Now before any of you females out there get all upset and emotional because you believe I have unfairly taken aim at woman drivers, don’t think for a minute that I care right now because I came THIS CLOSE to getting in completely unnecessary car wrecks because of two female drivers in under two weeks.

Tonight I’ll probably get run off the road by some drunk, unemployed GUY in a tricked out golf cart so in the end the gender issue will sort itself out and balance will get restored in my world view.

Americas Best MySpace Vehicles Comments

The survey contained only one question: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?”

After tallying the responses it became quite apparent that the survey had accomplished absolutely nothing because…

• In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.

• In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.

• In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.

• In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.

• In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.

• In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.

And

• In the United States they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.

Americas Best MySpace Foods Comments

This is the truth if it was ever spoken, enjoy.

In honor of Nadya Suleman the mother of the octuplets, Denny’s is offering a new breakfast meal:

You get fourteen eggs, NO SAUSAGE, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill.

Americas Best MySpace Babies Comments

He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Corryong back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions.

I finally arrived over an hour late and saw that the funeral bloke had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place and earth covered most of it.

I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.

I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this poor, homeless man.

And as I played Amazing Grace, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.

When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I ain’t never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I was still lost…