We all want to know how we can stretch our gasoline budget just a little further, right? Of course we do! With gas prices clearly over the $4 mark in a lot of the country most of us have started doing ANYthing we can to get better gas mileage.

That dumb bastard, however, appeared to have other motives for his use of a ‘gas additive’ and although we didn’t actually log any miles on the test vehicle, we have concluded that man-made, all natural beer-induced fuel additives will not stretch a person’s fuel budget.

Frogg’s answer: Because, as George Carlin (RIP) said, “FARTS ARE FUNNY!”

At least the sounds associated with them. The noxious, repulsive, toxic, and occasionally suffocating odors associated with them on the other hand, no one with a sense of smell laughs at THOSE.

No Laughing at Other People’s Farts?

So the next time some old man rips a dinosaur blast two stalls down, do not hesitate to laugh. Just remember that the more you laugh, the more air tainted with fossil fart fumes you will have to take in immediately afterward.

Lesson #1 – Stop screaming, you jackass! You may not have the ability to hear anything, including yourself, over the music but we can hear you just fine!

Lesson #2 – Stop singing along, you moron! You cannot POSSIBLY hear yourself singing when you have the volume cranked up to 100 while using headphones but we surely can!

Lesson #3 – Turn the damn volume down, you deaf bastard! Listening to music that loud destroys your hearing and means next time you’ll need to turn it up even louder! Oh, and by the way: Nobody but YOU enjoys that crap you listen to!

Lesson #4 – Headphones may stop you from hearing your own farts but the rest of us CAN hear them, ya’ no class gas bag!

Headphones Don’t Block Fart Sounds for the Rest Of Us!

On second thought, if he crapped himself and hung the poop-stained drawers on the wall he could call it ‘modern art’ and possibly even sell his masterpiece for a ridiculous amount of money to an unsuspecting collector who adored the fact that he got to meet the artist standing half naked in front of the artwork. “Oh how marvelous! Such conviction!”

Lucky Day, Artistic Masterpiece or Flat Out Low Class?

Well, apparently not ALL guys live by that saying… and some of the more disgusting ones flaunt their non-belief in public. Gross!

Shaking It More Than Once, Twice, Three Times — You Nasty Bastard!

George says, “Don’t worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell Carolyn that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.”

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually, Terry strolls into his home where Carolyn starts to give him a really hard
time.

“You reek of alcohol and you’ve puked all over yourself! My God, you’re disgusting!”

Speaking very carefully and doing his best not to slur, Terry says, “Nowainaminit, I can e’splain everythin! Itsh not wha j! ew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me . . . he had one too many and he juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an’gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!”

Carolyn looks in the breast pocket and says, “But this is forty bucks!”

“Oh, yeah… I almos’ fergot, … he shhhit in my pants, too.”

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