The game warden heard about this and showed up one Sunday afternoon. After inspecting the old farmers fish, he turned to the farmer and said “If you don’t show me your fishing spot , I’m going to have to close you down.”

The farmer replied by telling him to come out to the farm in the morning and he would take him fishing.

The next morning the game warden shows up with his pole and the farmer tells him to climb onto the tractor. They head out into this big field until they come to a little pond.

The warden is scratching his head because all he sees is a rotten old skiff, when he expected a large lake and something closer to a yacht.

The farmer said to get in and they start rowing out to the middle. About this time the warden notices that there are no fishing poles.

As he is about to say something, the farmer reaches into a box and pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it into the pond.

After the water and smoke settle, he paddles around picking up the fish.

The warden’s jaw is on the deck. He can’t talk for a minute. When he finds his voice, he starts in on the farmer about how he can’t believe what just happened and starts screaming to the farmer about all the regulations he has broken.

While this is taking place the farmer calmly reaches into the box grabs another stick of dynamite, lights it, hands it to the warden and asks him if he is going to fish or talk.

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Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening’s lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, “Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?”

“That is an extremely simple question,” he responded. “So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do.”

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Not wanting to make a scene, I said, “I’ll have the strip steak cooked medium rare, please.”

In a snooty French accent he then asked, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Nah, she can order for herself.”

Never got to eat my steak, but the doctors say I’ll be back on solid foods in a few weeks.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

Later I tried to explain to her how the beer would make her look ten times better at night than the cold cream.

The swelling in my right eye finally went down enough for me to see around three this afternoon.

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.

So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”

Needless to say I spent our anniversary alone, bleeding, and in the emergency room.

The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

The boy asked, “What is this Father?”

The father, never having seen an elevator before, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son….. “Go get your Mother.”

When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

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‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.

‘It sure is,’ I replied.

The boy looked back at the dog, paused for a few moments, and asked, ‘What did he do?’

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