Blakk Frogg Joke Blog » Drinking

Sheila is Blowing Chunks

admin — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 14:03:46 +0000

Although the whole ‘talking babies’ thing got played out YEARS AGO, every once in a while a funny picture surfaces… like this one:

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Finish What You Start — Stress Relief

Blakk Frogg — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:51:00 +0000

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished; so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptions, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss. An telum, u luvum!!

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Important Message for Drinkers

admin — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 20:15:19 +0000

Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys, Rum and ice will ruin your liver, Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart, Gin and ice will ruin your brain, and last but not least, coke and ice will ruin your teeth.

That bloody ice is lethal. Warn all your friends: Lay off the ICE!

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Daddy Should Not Wear That Suit

admin — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 14:03:59 +0000

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’

‘And why not, darling?’

‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’

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86 Rules Drinkers Should Follow

admin — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 13:50:28 +0000

Modern Drunkard Magazine published a list which ALL real-time, real-life drinkers need to abide by:

The 86 Rules to Drink By! (part one of nine)

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

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Have You Heard About MySpace Sarcasm?

admin — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 17:06:19 +0000

Stop staring at your sister’s droopy butt and pay attention! Below you will find the most popular pics on MySpaceSarcasm.Com for March 2010. Now go get me a beer, you lazy freak!

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<a href="http://myspacesarcasm.com" style="text-decoration: none;"> Visit MySpace Sarcasm if…</a> you like peanut butter between your toes

MySpaceSarcasm.Com…. Popular in ‘The Cool Crowd’

Blakk Frogg — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 17:05:44 +0000

Stop staring at your sister’s droopy butt and pay attention! Below you will find the most popular pics on MySpaceSarcasm.Com at a time when gerbils mated and accidentally created moose dung. Now go get us some beer, you lazy freaks!

Alcohol and Drinking Jokes

admin — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:11:06 +0000

To celebrate the day when a lot of people injure themselves while puking up green beer, Jameson’s Irish Whiskey, and whatever foods they managed to scarf down between raucous verses of songs they sing only when wasted, or as we like to call it, shit hammered on St. Patrick’s Day, we will not post a list of jokes involving drinking:

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Too Drunk to Attend Own DUI Hearing

admin — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 13:51:32 +0000

We figured this posting really and truly needed to get written on today, March 17th, because a lot of you boneheads will go out tonight, get wasted on Irish Car Bombs and green beer, and drive your cars into mailboxes, trees, guardrails, etc. on the way home — or to the next pub.

Let this next news story serve as a warning to you: Don’t be a Botos!

Drunken Neb. man who missed hearing gets prison

Associated Press – March 16, 2010 2:15 PM ET

PAPILLION, Neb. (AP) – A 30-year-old Bellevue man who showed up too drunk last week for his drunken-driving sentencing has been given a year in prison.

Judge Jeffrey Funke of Sarpy County District Court said Tuesday that Jason Botos (BOH-tahs) was a danger to society and should be behind bars. It was Botos’ second DUI conviction.

Last Thursday, Botos arrived at the Papillion courthouse so drunk that he couldn’t attend the scheduled sentencing. Botos had pleaded guilty to misdemeanor drunken driving in a September 2009 collision with five other vehicles.

Deputies arrested Botos in the parking lot on a warrant from the judge, who on Tuesday gave Botos 90 days more in county jail for missing his sentencing on Thursday. ( source )

Scary, ain’t it? That guy caused an accident involving 5 cars ago as part of the events that resulted in his second DUI conviction… and could not manage to sober up enough nearly 6 months later to at least walk into the courthouse under his own power and lie to the Judge about how he felt bad for for what he did and had cleaned up his act.

So getting back to the point of this message, have a designated driver or at least lay off on a few rounds of drinks tonight and… Don’t be a Botos!

Time for Some Fun Drinking-Related Photos!

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Stay tuned today because we’ve got more drinking and drunken photos in store as the day goes on… unless we get too drunk too early at the computer and pass out in our chair.

New Mixed Drink for Her Man

admin — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 08:37:07 +0000

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.

The bartender brings the drink and puts the following tems on the bar: A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

“First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice.”

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.

He puts the salt on his tongue… salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys… smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks… this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.

In one second the sharp lime taste hits… At two seconds the Baileys curdles. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency hits. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.

This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, “Jesus, what do you call that drink?”

She smiles widely at him and says, “Blow Job Revenge.”

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