Blakk Frogg Joke Blog » Bodily Functions

Goes Home Drunk to His Wife

admin — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 14:03:48 +0000

Two buddies, George and Terry, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Terry throws up all over himself. “Oh, no. Now Carolyn will kill me!”

George says, “Don’t worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell Carolyn that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.”

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually, Terry strolls into his home where Carolyn starts to give him a really hard
time.

“You reek of alcohol and you’ve puked all over yourself! My God, you’re disgusting!”

Speaking very carefully and doing his best not to slur, Terry says, “Nowainaminit, I can e’splain everythin! Itsh not wha j! ew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me . . . he had one too many and he juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an’gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!”

Carolyn looks in the breast pocket and says, “But this is forty bucks!”

“Oh, yeah… I almos’ fergot, … he shhhit in my pants, too.”

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Sheila is Blowing Chunks

admin — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 14:03:46 +0000

Although the whole ‘talking babies’ thing got played out YEARS AGO, every once in a while a funny picture surfaces… like this one:

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Most Disgusting Halloween Costume Ever?

admin — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 17:16:37 +0000

With the approach of Halloween comes the inevitable slew of interesting and unusual costume pictures getting posted on the Internet. Today we’d like to highlight a Halloween costume that we believe may win first prize for most disgusting Halloween costume ever. Enjoy!

Most Disgusting Halloween Costume Idea: Tampon Ninja

For those of you NOT interested in dressing up as a female hygiene product assassin, the Frogg Wear Halloween Blog. It’s got more than 2,000 costumes and costume accessories for kids and adults to browse through. Definitely a good place to look for costume ideas!

Wii Fit Turns Woman Into Sex Addict

admin — Thu, 20 May 2010 18:35:10 +0000

Your loyal friend Blakk Frogg did NOT make this up:

Nintendo’s Wii controllers have wreaked havoc on flat screen TVs and tweaked more than a few elbows. That’s nothing compared to one UK woman’s claim that a tumble from the Wii Fit balance board turned her into a sex addict.

News service ANI reports that Amanda Flowers, 24, a catering worker in Manchester, England, damaged a nerve when she fell from the Fit board. When the slightest vibrations — cell phones, appliances — began to turn her on, she sought medical care. A doctor diagnosed her with persistent sexual arousal syndrome, a rare and mysterious disorder the doctor linked to Flowers’ damaged nerve.

ANI reports that Flowers now “needs 10 sex sessions a day” to satisfy her sexual arousal. “With no cure I just have to try to control my passion by breathing deeply,” she told the news service. “Hopefully one day I’ll find a superstud who can satisfy me.” ( source )

Certainly you tuned into this blog posting for one of several reasons:

You own a Wii Fit Console and wanted to find out how you, too, could become a sex addict.
If true, the story of a Wii Fit Console turning a woman into a sex addict will serve as the final reason you need to convince yourself to go out and buy one.
You already have an addiction to sex and want something ‘plausible’ and/or ‘scientific’ to blame it on.
You fear that your current (unattractive) sex partner may suffer a similar fate and you want to know if you need to sabotage his/her Wii Fit Console so you don’t wind up having to ‘do the nasty’ 10 times a day to satisfy their needs.

So… What other reasons can YOU think of that caused people to flock to this blog posting, huh?

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Popular on SarcasticMySpace.Com — March 2010

admin — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 14:03:42 +0000

No one with an IQ over 25 would disagree with the following statement: Blakk Frogg eats, breathes and sleeps sarcasm… when he’s not eating copious amounts of bacon and drinking too much beer!

cut-n-paste the code to use the image on blogs, profiles, comments.. and your mom’s hairy butt!
<a href="http://sarcasticmyspace.com" style="text-decoration: none;"> Visit Sarcastic MySpace if…</a> you think goats look good in lingerie!

How NOT to Check a Baby’s Diaper

admin — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 14:43:06 +0000

It amazes Blakk Frogg that signs like this get posted. Seriously, folks… If you have to look at a sign like this for instructions on how to properly check a baby’s diaper, well, maybe you ought not to have had children in the first place! Does it take a rocket scientist to figure out that jamming your hand down the back of a diaper to check for poop will end badly most times?

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Oh, now you certainly didn’t think Blakk Frogg had nothing more to add to this early morning posting, did you? Shame on you! Blakk Frogg can ALWAYS find a way to expand on something as ridiculous as diaper changing instructions!

Watch this:

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Yep. He got the ‘poo finger’ and wants to wipe it on you!

Little Tony on Grammar — Again

admin — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:22:51 +0000

Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!”

The teacher replied, ‘Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’

Please use the word ‘ur-i-nate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, “You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a TEN!”

find more fun on Simply Frogg

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Going to Bed Alone Not a Bad Thing?

admin — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:52:35 +0000

Last night as Blakk Frogg lamented over having to go to bed alone it suddenly occured to him that he had the ability to do something that a fella shacked up with a female companion for a night of raunchy, hair-pulling sex cannot safely do… so he let loose a 10 second anal explosion that caused the covers at the end of the bed to fly up and his feet to get real warm, real fast.

The unlucky bastard with a woman would’ve gotten smacked for that.

Americas Best MySpace Toilet Comments

Moments of Joy at the Urinal — STOP!

admin — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:39:10 +0000

OK, this got on Blakk Frogg‘s nerves last night.

Why do some guys feel the need to grunt, groan, sigh loudly and/or say, “Ohhhhhhh…..? Whew. Oh boy this feels good” while using the urinal in a public restroom? Do they think anyone CARES to hear that sort of thing?

Better question: Do they do that at home as well or do they save those special performances for public outings?

So fellas, if you fall into the category of ‘Dipshits Who Do That’, please STOP.

No one cares about or wants to share in your moments of personal joy at the urinal.

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A Recent Blakk Frogg Quote

admin — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:05:09 +0000

From time to time Blakk Frogg writes some rather interesting things he sends in the emails to good friends…. and this time he had a few things to say about his sex life:

I wouldn’t be able to last more than 15 seconds w/ a woman these days ‘cuz of stress and ‘lack recent wiener activity.

She’d hello and tell me her name and I’d already have to clean the protein smears from my underwear.

So, so wrong and unfair to me. Ever hear of blue balls? Mine are burgundy.

I’m the walking, talking, Special Olympics of sex.

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