Blakk Frogg Joke Blog » Beer

Sheila is Blowing Chunks

admin — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 14:03:46 +0000

Although the whole ‘talking babies’ thing got played out YEARS AGO, every once in a while a funny picture surfaces… like this one:

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

86 Rules Drinkers Should Follow

admin — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 13:50:28 +0000

Modern Drunkard Magazine published a list which ALL real-time, real-life drinkers need to abide by:

The 86 Rules to Drink By! (part one of nine)

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

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Properly Stocked Pre-Weekend Fridge

Blakk Frogg — Tue, 18 May 2010 18:05:26 +0000

A while back we found ourselves faced with an upcoming weekend… for which we thanked the Sun, Moon, Stars and, of course, the Bacon Gods. In preparation for the joyous event we stocked up on all the necessities:

Beer
Tequila
Vodka
More Beer
Margarita Mix
More Tequila
Bacon
Eggs
More Bacon
… and a Fire Extinguisher

If you have to ask WHY we would need a fire extinguisher, you have OBVIOUSLY never attended one of our famous outdoor gatherings around the bonfire… the bonfire that lights up the light sky and resembles an atomic explosion to neighbors 50 miles away.

Granted we usually keep a garden hose handy for these events, but sometimes drunk people like to get a little too close to the fire and experience has taught us that chasing a flaming drunk around with a garden hose doesn’t always work out as planned. A fire extinguisher comes as a convenient, self-contained unit with no long tail attached to the house which can and WILL knock damn near EVERYthing in the backyard over as you chase down a flaming, drunken retard you call your best friend on any other day.

Yep. We really should have taken pictures from that weekend. On second thought, stuff like that can end up in a Court of Law. Never mind. We’ll stick with the few, fuzzy, and severely alcohol diluted memories we can remember.

Less jail time that way.

Alcohol and Drinking Jokes

admin — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:11:06 +0000

To celebrate the day when a lot of people injure themselves while puking up green beer, Jameson’s Irish Whiskey, and whatever foods they managed to scarf down between raucous verses of songs they sing only when wasted, or as we like to call it, shit hammered on St. Patrick’s Day, we will not post a list of jokes involving drinking:

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Too Drunk to Attend Own DUI Hearing

admin — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 13:51:32 +0000

We figured this posting really and truly needed to get written on today, March 17th, because a lot of you boneheads will go out tonight, get wasted on Irish Car Bombs and green beer, and drive your cars into mailboxes, trees, guardrails, etc. on the way home — or to the next pub.

Let this next news story serve as a warning to you: Don’t be a Botos!

Drunken Neb. man who missed hearing gets prison

Associated Press – March 16, 2010 2:15 PM ET

PAPILLION, Neb. (AP) – A 30-year-old Bellevue man who showed up too drunk last week for his drunken-driving sentencing has been given a year in prison.

Judge Jeffrey Funke of Sarpy County District Court said Tuesday that Jason Botos (BOH-tahs) was a danger to society and should be behind bars. It was Botos’ second DUI conviction.

Last Thursday, Botos arrived at the Papillion courthouse so drunk that he couldn’t attend the scheduled sentencing. Botos had pleaded guilty to misdemeanor drunken driving in a September 2009 collision with five other vehicles.

Deputies arrested Botos in the parking lot on a warrant from the judge, who on Tuesday gave Botos 90 days more in county jail for missing his sentencing on Thursday. ( source )

Scary, ain’t it? That guy caused an accident involving 5 cars ago as part of the events that resulted in his second DUI conviction… and could not manage to sober up enough nearly 6 months later to at least walk into the courthouse under his own power and lie to the Judge about how he felt bad for for what he did and had cleaned up his act.

So getting back to the point of this message, have a designated driver or at least lay off on a few rounds of drinks tonight and… Don’t be a Botos!

Time for Some Fun Drinking-Related Photos!

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Stay tuned today because we’ve got more drinking and drunken photos in store as the day goes on… unless we get too drunk too early at the computer and pass out in our chair.

Average Miles Per Gallon for Beer Drinking Americans

admin — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 17:21:58 +0000

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles year.

Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Blakk Frogg does his part to keep the American MPG Rating as high as possible.

Are you doing YOUR part?

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

The Alcoholic Alphabet

admin — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 12:05:35 +0000

Blakk Frogg received a version of the ‘alcoholic alphabet’ in an email earlier today and found it a little too…. bland. Therefore he added a few things quickly and re-posted it here for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!

A – Alcohol: The key to surviving college, office holiday parties, weddings/funerals of relatives on the other side of your family and to some extent family reunions

B – Beer: Considered the most disgusting alcohol of all by many, but great for chugging and admit it, folks: the taste DOES grow on you after your first funnel

C – Class: What you’re supposed to get up and go to after a Thursday night party and also the thing you no longer have once the fifth shot of Jose Cuervo kicks in

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

D – Dancing: A favorite pasttime of almost every drunk; usually looks pathetic and involves excessive spin moves, twirls, arm flailing and erratic head jerking motions

E – Emergency: The keg has run dry and you have no one over 21 in your drinking party OR you live in a state where they do not sell alcohol on Sundays

F – Fucked Up: Signified by leaning over a toilet or small shrub puking your guts out and crying to the Heavens to make the world stop rotating so damned fast

G – Games: Anything that involves cards, dice, chugging beers and making fun of other people because they happen to puke… before you do

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

H – Hangover: Reminds you of how great last night was, how much you drank last night, and why you have only a handful of loose change left in your pocket despite having cashed your paycheck yesterday afternoon

I – Idiot: The guy that spilled his beer on you and everyone else at the party and tried to wash his hands in the fish tank

J – Jail: Where you’ll end up after trying to use a fake ID that expired two years ago or stagger home through the back parking lot of the local police station

K – Kissing: What you’ll do to anything that moves after 15 beers… including the floor if not careful

L – Lord: Person you beg to get you out of every situation involving alcohol and the Person you ask not to let you hook up with anything TOO ugly after drinking five shots of Jager

M – Money: That which you no longer have due to too much partying and paying your friends not to tell anyone about sasquatch you hooked up last Friday night

N – Not Again!: What you scream when you wake up beside someone you don’t know, hope you didn’t sleep with, and hope to God you can avoid waking up while sneaking out of his or house/apartment/room

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

O – Ouch: What you say while falling on your ass when you’re trying to walk home OR what you say when a friend announces he/she will go home with a hideous companion

P – Pee: What you have to do every five minutes while you’re drinking beer and also the thing that bonds and unites all females at the party and causes them to take group field trips to the rest room all the time

Q – Quilt: What you puked on last night in bed and have to clean in the morning… because you hooked up with a lard ass whose also drunken ass didn’t get out of the way so you could make it to the bathroom in time. Stupid lard ass shoulda’ moved

R – Reform: What you promise God you will do while you’re puking in the toilet or inthe back of your friend’s new car because… the window didn’t go down in time. Stupid window

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

S – Sex: What you TRIED to do with that person you met last night while you were drunk… but passed out face down in her panties (or his boxers) instead

T – Ten: The number of beers it takes ME to realize there are only two beers left in the 12-pack and that I need to go to the store ASAP

U – Underage: Most of the drinking population at college bars

V – Vodka: The mother of all alcohols because it mixes with pretty much ANYthing and allows inexperienced drinkers to get drunk in less than an hour

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

W – Worm: The part of Tequila that reminds you of Biology class tomorrow

X – X-Ray: How they can see into your belly before they force a chalk milkshake down your throat and pump your stomach

Y – Yourself: The one who drinks WAY TOO MUCH every weekend and STILL denies that you have ever done all those horrible things that your friend so kindly recorded with his new cellphone camera… Stupid cellphone cameras

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Z – Zoned out: What you will be after drinking for 12 hours straight and not eating

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Looking for Alcohol and Drinking Related MySpace Comments?

AmericasBestMySpaceComments.Com — 07/09

Blakk Frogg — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 11:50:35 +0000

Wanna’ see something naughty? Looking for a strange or sexy image to place on your profile? Well look no further ‘cuz Americas Best MySpace Comments has a special treat for you! They sent us a list of the most popular comment pictures on their site for July 2009! Visit AmericasBestMySpaceComments.Com for…funny, sexy and sometimes sarcastic pics Visit [...]

Most Popular Pics on AmericasBestMySpace.Com — May 2009

admin — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 13:04:52 +0000

If you came here looking for silly, sexy, sarcastic and sometimes sick pictures and graphics to use on blogs, profiles, bulletin boards and other places, well, you came on the right day ‘cuz today we post the most popular pictures and graphics on AmericasBestMySpace.Com for the month of May 2009!

<a href="http://www.Americas-Best.com/myspace-comments-blog/" style="text-decoration: none;"> Visit Americas-Best.Com for…</a> Funny/Sexy/Sarcastic/Stupid MySpace Comments

A brand of beer known as Sierra Nevada captured the heart, mind, body and soul of Blakk Frogg several years ago. For those of you old enough to drink, you ought to check out their line of beers — if you like good beer. Otherwise stick with your fruity drinks and cheap, moose piss beers.

Every guy that has ever pissed off his significant other knows the feelings shown in the picture above. Some OTHER guys may LIKE the idea of barbed wire in the bedroom, but we dare not discuss that on this site.

Drinking everyday does not make Blakk Frogg an alcoholic. Feeling like a burlap sack filled with bleeding buttholes because he DIDN’T drink that day might, though. lol.

Looks like a lot of people had beer on the brain last month. Guzzling a Heineken always sounds like a good idea. Guzzle-guzzle buurrrrrrrp!

Wow. Great way to finish out last month’s most popular picture comments — with a swift kick in the balls. Blakk Frogg cringes each time he sees this image.

Drinking Beer Saves Water?

admin — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 16:48:02 +0000

Now you would have to possess the IQ of a snail (no offense to any snails reading this….) to think that drinking beer will save water. Uh, hello? Last we checked, you could not MAKE beer w/o water. Come to think of it, beer’s main ingredient IS water!

Having said all that, we must possess the IQ of a snail ‘cuz we think drinking beer makes more sense than drinking water.