Sound like something too hard to believe? Read the full article here on Yahoo! and see for yourself, ua’ filthy bunch of non-believers!

Blakk Frogg’s Humble Opinion

Hilarious. An eighteen year old honestly believes that selling her body to any Tom, DICK or Harry will allow her to make more money and live a better life. What the Hell kind of upbringing did this girl have that she would really think a life of debauchery for hire on the seedy (another good pun!) side of life makes any kind of sense?

Congratulations, Mom (and others), on waiting until the last minute to let your daughter know that a fast-paced career on her knees won’t pay off in the end.

There will be no happy ending; except for the customer.

Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Please note that although Blakk Frogg opted to use the above funny stripper joke image in this posting, he does NOT equate adult entertainment w/ prostitution. He definitely sees a difference between a young woman ‘dancing for dollars’ around poles and a young woman spreading her holes for strangers’ poles!

He marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.”

The social worker behind the counter said, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his 2010 Mercedes-Benz CL550 and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have to, as part of your job assignment, satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20′s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

The guy, just plain wide-eyed said, “You’re bullsh#ttin’ me!”

The social worker said, “Yeah, well … You started it.”

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Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

Later I tried to explain to her how the beer would make her look ten times better at night than the cold cream.

The swelling in my right eye finally went down enough for me to see around three this afternoon.

I said to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going..”

The young guy says, “That’s OK. It’s just a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”

So, I said, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?”

The young guy says, “Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, green eyes, long legs, big boobs and she’s wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?”

I said, “That doesn’t matter. Let’s look for yours.”

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The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but the paramedics pulled you out of a huge pile-up on the Interstate a few weeks ago. Don’t fret, though because you will walk again. More or less you will be fine, with one exception: In the chaos of the collision your ‘manhood’ got severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”

As the man lays there groaning over his lost manhood, the doctor goes says, “You’ve got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we can rebuild you a new penis… but the operation will cost lot since it’s a relatively new technology. It’ll cost roughly $1,000 an inch.”

Hearing the glimmer of hope, the man perks up.

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“So,” the doctor says, “Now you must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you have been married for over thirty years, so I do believe you ought to talk this over with your wife before making a decision.”

“The doctor goes on to say, “If you had a five-incher before and get a nine-incher now, she might be a bit put out.”

Before the man has a chance to respond, the doctor continues by saying, “On the other hand, if you had a nine-incher before and decide to only invest in a five-incher now, she might be a bit disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”

“Yes I have,” says the man.

“And… has she helped you make a decision?”

“Yes” says the man.

“OK, that’s great. What’s your decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting granite counter tops.”

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The 86 Rules to Drink By! (part one of nine)

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

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1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… ‘Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!’ Now think about how you call a cat… ‘Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!’ Jeeezus, man. You’re fit to be framed, you’re so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or women’s funbags. Anything else and you are in ‘training’ and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a ‘Decaf Soy Latte’. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a ‘fressier’ is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings, then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudge packer.

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———————–

Disclaimer: The mighty Blakk Frogg Crew does NOT discriminate against homosexuals, mexicans, chinese, greek, dead, nearly dead, mostly dead people, or people that look exactly like… YOU. He simply loathes and detests just people who wear too much aftershave, have crappy taste in cologne, bathe in smelly overpriced lotions, wear too much damn deodorant, and/or cover themselves in calamine lotion for pleasure.

Therefore please don’t even THINK about blasting Blakk Frogg with all your hate-filled, ignorant, anti-amphibian emails.

It was funny and you laughed… so shut your filthy sewer of a mouth!