A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.”
The social worker behind the counter said, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his 2010 Mercedes-Benz CL550 and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have to, as part of your job assignment, satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”
The guy, just plain wide-eyed said, “You’re bullsh#ttin’ me!”
The social worker said, “Yeah, well … You started it.”
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For those of you with a drug problem and children at home, don’t let this happen to you! Hide your drugs in more appropriate places!
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Although the whole ‘talking babies’ thing got played out YEARS AGO, every once in a while a funny picture surfaces… like this one:
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I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.
Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished; so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptions, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz.
Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss. An telum, u luvum!!
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21 Nov, 2011
Posted by: admin In: Jokes
Never thought I’d ever see something in Walmart that I simply just cannot live without… until now. For Christmas I’d like a “Caucasian Sip-n-Slurp”
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Naturally I wonder what sort of options the Caucasian Sip-n-Slurp comes with. A bib, perhaps? And can you order your Sip-n-Slurp in a choice of hair colors? Body type? Suction rating?
