Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of Hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting Through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally Qualified.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one Question. Their answer would determine which of them would get The job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference Room table.

The interviewer asked, ‘What is the fastest thing you Know of?’

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man Replied, ‘A THOUGHT.’ It just pops into your head. There’s no warning that it’s on the way; it’s just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.’

‘That’s very good!’ replied the interviewer. ‘And now You sir?’ He asked the second man.

Hmm.! … Let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and You don’t know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.

Excellent!’ said the interviewer. ‘The blink of an Eye, that’s a very popular clich? for speed.’

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating His reply.

Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the House and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that Switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on In less than an instant. Yep,TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.’

The interviewer was very impressed with the third Answer and thought he had found his man. ‘It’s hard to beat the Speed of light,’ he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the Interviewer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, ‘After Hearing the three previous answers, It’s obvious to me that the Fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.’

‘WHAT!?’ said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

‘Oh I can explain.’ said Old Bubba. ‘You see the other Day I wasn’t feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, Before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already Shit my pants.’

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Consumer interest in the 79.9% credit card called ‘phenomenal’. Blakk frogg calls it STUPID, OUTRAGEOUS, APPALLING and DISGRACEFUL.

Read the article: ‘Phenomenal’ Interest in Credit Card w/ 79.9% Rate

Blakk Frogg feels certain that somewhere on the application it has a mandatory checkbox labeled, “Check this box if you have read and fully understand the Terms of this Agreement. You must check this box to receive Approval. Please bend over.”

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While many of you probably expect Blakk Frogg to write about how he pays for everything in cash and cut up all his credit cards 10 years ago… Ha! Fat chance of THAT!

Your friend Blakk Frogg got sucked into the depths of credit card debt not once, but TWICE and STILL has ridiculous payments to make each month. Life’s unexpected events (such as losing one’s job unexpectedly a few times) can really screw up a person’s financial plans, ya’ know?

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So why did Blakk Frogg decide to write about the credit card with a staggering and downright shameful 79.9% interest rate? Simple: The fact that some Americans, roughly 2% of the people who received the application by mail according to the article, find themselves in such a bad financial position that getting bent over a barrel and taking the bank’s big stick of abuse deep and hard makes sense… does not make sense.

Blakk Frogg remembers reading about times in American History when Americans thrived on overcoming the odds and succeeding in the face of adversity. At this time, however, he does not see that unfortunate 2% ever beating the odds and reclaiming their financial freedom.

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It sucks that people find themselves in such crappy places in life that they think a credit card with an interest rate rivaling that of a loan shark will work as a lifeline. Too bad the level of desperation in their lives does not allow them to see that the credit card more closely resembles an ever-tightening noose than anything else.

Sorry for wasting your time with this purposeless rant. It just pisses Blakk Frogg off that the same industry guilty of luring unwary citizens to their doom with ridiculous offers of credit and handing out mortgages to people knowing full well the people could not afford the payments has found yet another way to ruin people’s lives.

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Seems to Blakk Frogg that only the American people have to stand accountable for their mistakes in judgment and financially irresponsible ways… while the ‘Fat Cat Banks’ with grossly overpaid Executives just keep getting fatter and fatter off the blood, sweat and endless nights of tears pouring from the worried eyes of hardworking Americans.

Poetic… and pathetic.

It amazes Blakk Frogg that signs like this get posted. Seriously, folks… If you have to look at a sign like this for instructions on how to properly check a baby’s diaper, well, maybe you ought not to have had children in the first place! Does it take a rocket scientist to figure out that jamming your hand down the back of a diaper to check for poop will end badly most times?

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Oh, now you certainly didn’t think Blakk Frogg had nothing more to add to this early morning posting, did you? Shame on you! Blakk Frogg can ALWAYS find a way to expand on something as ridiculous as diaper changing instructions!

Watch this:

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Yep. He got the ‘poo finger’ and wants to wipe it on you!

A fleeing al Qaeda guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through
the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find
water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man
at a small stand selling neckties.

The Arab asked, “Do you have any water?”

The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a
tie? They are only $5.”

The Arab shouted, “Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an
overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water
first.”

“OK ,” said the old Jew, “it does not matter that you do not want to buy
a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am a bigger person.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom.”

Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, near collapse. “Your brother
won’t let me in without a tie.”

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A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, “Do you ever watch your husband’s face while you are having sex?”

“Well, yes, I actually did once.”

“And how did your husband look?”

“Angry, very angry.”

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, “Well that’s very interesting, we must look into this further.

“Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband’s face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?”

“He was looking through the window at us!”

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A sex therapist was doing research at the local college when one of the male volunteers told him, “When I get ‘it’ in part way, my vision blurs. And when I get ‘it’ all the way in, I can’t see a thing.”

“Hmmm… that’s an interesting optical reaction to sex,” said the researcher.

“Would you mind if I had a look at it?”

So the volunteer stuck out his tongue!

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It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist’s daughter came up and gave her teacher a box.

The teacher said, I’ll bet these are flowers!? The girl replied, “How did you know?”

“Just a lucky guess,” she said.

Next, a boy whose family owned a candy store came up and gave the teacher a box. She said that she knew it was candy. When the boy asked how she knew, she again said, “Just a lucky guess.”

Finally, a boy whose father owned a liquor store came up and gave the teacher a box, but one of the box’s corners was damp from a leak. The teacher asked the boy if it was wine.

The boy said, “No.”

She touched the leak and put it to her tongue and asked if it was champagne.

The boy again said no.

Finally, she gave up and asked him what was in the box.

He said happily, “A puppy!”

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Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.

It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.

Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.

The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.

Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

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A new primary school teacher starts her first day of class. She begins by asking students to stand and introduce themselves.

The first child stands and says, “My name is Mary Johnson.”

“Thank you, Mary”, says the teacher.

The second student says, “My name is Sam Smith.”

“Thank you, Sam.”

The third student says, “My name is Johnny Fuckhour.”

The teacher is horrified, and tells Johnny that this type of language will not be allowed. He replies, “Honest, my name is Johnny Fuckhour. If you don’t believe me, check up in the fifth grade where my brother is.”

So the teacher walks up to the fifth grade class, and asks, “Do you have a Fuckhour in here?”

One boy stands in the back of the room and says, “Hell, no! We don’t even get a nap hour in here!”

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A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.

The bartender brings the drink and puts the following tems on the bar: A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

“First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice.”

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.

He puts the salt on his tongue… salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys… smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks… this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.

In one second the sharp lime taste hits… At two seconds the Baileys curdles. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency hits. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.

This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, “Jesus, what do you call that drink?”

She smiles widely at him and says, “Blow Job Revenge.”

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