Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Archive for November 19th, 2009

19 Nov, 2009

Words That Aren’t Really Words

Posted by: admin In: Humor|Sarcastic

Once in a while people create their own words, and this time Blakk Frogg jotted a few of them down w/ definitions for your reading pleasure. Well, OK, someone sent him an email and all he did was re-post it. Fine. You caught him. See if he cares.

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying (or building) a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It’s when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it’s a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon: (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic Fit ( n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beezelbug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

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19 Nov, 2009

Bacon Review: Plumrose Premium Bacon

Posted by: Blakk Frogg In: Humor|Sarcastic

We have never figured out for sure what makes a product ‘premium’, though we have noticed that things labeled as premium tend to cost more… so perhaps if you want something you manufacture to become ‘premium’, just raise the price, right?

Seems silly, and once more we digress from our intended topic… BACON!

Today’s bacon review features Plumrose Premium Bacon which normally comes with a pricetag that we don’t like… but we found it for a really great sale recently so here goes nothing!

Plumrose Premium Bacon

Now that you have seen the packaging, which really did not inspire any feelings of bacon lust or bacon desire within our souls, we will now show you raw, naked bacon up close and personal. Parental discretion advised.

Plumrose Premium Bacon

Wow! Did you see the size of her… Huh? Oh, right. Gotta’ keep this PG-13. Ha ha.

So anyways, the bacon looked pretty damn good laying out all naked like that… so we just HAD to turn up the heat, ya’ know?

Plumrose Premium Bacon

Now who wants to see a ‘before and after’ picture featuring… bacon?

Plumrose Premium Bacon

Verdict: We felt this bacon definitely lived up to its ‘premium’ labeling despite not costing us a week’s wages. It gave off a really good smell right out of the pack and cooked up relatively easily w/o shooting an excessive number of hot grease globs at us (see August 10, 2009’s Bacon Review: Fresh Market Bacon). We award Plumrose Premium Bacon 3.81 slices (out of 5) and suggest you try it next time it goes on sale.

Why wait for it to go on sale? Simple: Even bacon tastes better when you get it for less money, stupid!

A biker walks into a convenience at about 2:30 in the morning. He walks up to the cashier and asks “Where are your tampons?”

The clerk tells him, “Right down on aisle three, on the end to the left.”

The biker disappears down the aisle and finally, about 45 minutes later, he returns carrying toilet paper and cotton balls.

The cashier starts to ring him up and says, “You know, I know it’s none of my business, but I thought you were here for tampons.”

The biker tells her, “Well, last week I sent my ol’ lady out for smokes and she comes back with zig zags and tobacco. By God she can roll her own, too!”

Guess What Happened Next?

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First of all, you will like this site because it has lots of sarcasm, plenty of humor, and a healthy dose of everything your dear mommy warned you not touch when taking a shower at the local athletic club.


  • admin: How can people not like this photo? Seriously. These girls have WONDERFUL personalities that just leap out of their shirts, er, eyes. Yes. Blakk Fr
  • admin: In other news, the children ingested so much of the drug that it took their parents a solid two weeks to catch the little bastards and beat their behi
  • Intimate Touch Tuesday | MySpace Comments & Jokes: [...] you survived the horror called Monday and showed back up to face… Tuesday. Good for you! As a reward for your devotion and effort, [...]