Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: “I have something I must confess.”

“There’s no need to,” his wife replied.

“No,” he insisted, “I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!”

“I know,” she replied. “Now just rest and let the poison work.”

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Blakk Frogg says, “Accidents and coincidence often collide on snowy roads. I have no idea what that means.”

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So…. you’re a man. That’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days”.

Flattered, the man replies, “Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God.”

The woman continues, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.

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Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police….”

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are evil. Don’t mess with them.

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A month has passed since we last treated you to a list of the most popular entries on Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog… so here ya’ go, ya’ filthy little bastards. Enjoy!

1. Popular Sexual & Adult MySpace Comments
2. Obsessed w/ Camel Toe?
3. Sexual & Adult MySpace Comments?
4. Sweet Devon Black Panties & Bra Pics
5. Oral Sex, People! Oral Sex!
6. Popular Adult MySpace Comments
7. Ultimate Redneck MySpace Comment
8. I Believe in Sexy Saturdays
9. Potato Prostitute
10. Popular Sarcastic MySpace Comments (Dec 2007)

– Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog Main Page –

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. “Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,” she told him earnestly.

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“Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I’ll be alright. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together in his groin.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.

She then asked him “How does that feel?” He replied “It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.”

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Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua.

But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day.

With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

‘Fifty dollars!’ she would cry out from the curb.

‘No, Five dollars!’ fired back Clinton ….

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days.

He’d run by and she’d yell, ‘Fifty dollars!’

And he’d yell back, ‘Five dollars!’

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog!

As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the ‘pro’ would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he’d really been doing on all his past outings.

He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the junior Senator.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner,

Bill became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker!

Bill tried to avoid the prostitute’s eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled… See what you get for five bucks!?’

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A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, ‘Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.’

‘What do they say?’ the priest inquired.

They say, ‘Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?’

‘That’s obscene!’ the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment.

‘You know,’ he said, ‘I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.’

‘Thank you,’ the woman responded, ‘this may very well be the solution.’

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in the cage with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:

‘Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?’

There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, ‘Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!’

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Blakk Frogg says, “Some politicians really are all wet.”

= = = = = = = = =

Back during a portion of the Clinton Administration White House security agents noticed Bill Clinton using the pool more often than usual.

Every day at exactly 4:25 PM the President changed into his swimwear and jumped into the pool.

He then proceeded to take a deep breath, dive to the bottom, and stay there until he ran out of breath. He then rushed to the surface, quickly grabbed another breath and repeated the process over and over again until he was on the brink of exhaustion.

Then and only then would he crawl out of the pool, dry off, put his work clothes back on go about completing his normal Presidential duties.

After a week of this behavior, fearing for Bill’s mental stability, one of the security agents gathered the courage to ask him why he was acting so strangely.

“Well,” said Clinton, “One of my advisors told me that deep down I’m not so stupid.”

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As if fat people don’t have enough trouble fitting into plane seats, finding clothes that fit, keeping food in their cupboards, affording outrageous grocery bills, and maintaining self-esteem despite continuous ridicule from people in their surroundings….. Now there exists a more sinister problem for them:

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So if ya’ wanna’ do that Advanced Sex Position on page 33 of your manual, you’re gonna’ want to lose a few pounds first!

– blakk frogg

1. You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?” you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox.

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2. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn.” Your boss was standing behind you. It’s his wife.

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3. You return from a week’s vacation to find that you had scheduled this week as vacation, not last week.

4. You take a “sick” day and the next morning the boss asks you, “So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?”

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5. You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and bloody knuckles. Your underwear are missing. You’re in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.

Blakk Frogg says, “Always remember where you park your wheels.”

= = = = = = = = =

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the Night celebrating Ireland’s draw with Germany.

Mick, the bartender says, “You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy”. Paddy replies “OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then.”

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. “Sh#te,” he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face.

“I’m fockin’ focked,” he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says “No fockin’ way”. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says “I can make it to the bed.” He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says “Fock it” and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, “Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?”. Paddy says, “I did Jess. I was fockin’ pissed. But how’d you know?”

“Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub.”

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