Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3 o’clock in the morning!

He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it’s 3 o’clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing!” replies the drunk.

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I just read an article on the dangers of drinking wine and beer…

It Scared the shit out of me.

So that’s it!

After today, no more reading.

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Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning along the parkway when she tripped and fell over the bridge
railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to her, 3 kids who were fishing pulled her out of the water. She was so grateful she offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The 1st kid said, “I want to go to Disneyland.”

Hillary said, “No problem, I’ll take you there on my special Senator’s airplane.”

The 2nd kid said, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan’s.”

Hillary said, “I’ll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!”

The 3rd kid said, “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!”

Hillary was a little perplexed by this and said, “But you don’t look like you’re handicapped.”

The kid said, “I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass.”

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Never in my life would I consider that a rational idea until…

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So step right up, all you suicide bombing bastards. Just detonate away from others, or in the company of those you trained with, and we’ll get (what’s left of) you properly buried in no time.

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After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. “A less costly alternative,” said the doctor, “is to go home, get a cherry bomb,” (fireworks are legal in Alabama) “light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.”

The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”

“Trust me,” said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

“1”

“2”

“3”

“4”

“5”

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, Mississippi, and West Virginia.

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Nothing says family like a nice discussion of boobies and willies at the dinner table. Blakk Frogg believes The following joke proves that:

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?

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The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there’s three kinds of breasts.

In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.

“Onions?” the son asks.

“Yes, you see them and they make you cry”

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, “Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.

“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”

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Tired of draining valuable natural resources each and every time you plug in that monstrous vibrator? Feeling guilty over all the batteries your dildo destroys when you need a little ‘stress relief’?

Relax! Now you can enjoy a luxury model sex toy w/o killing the environment!

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I know, I know…. Yuck. Deal with it!

– blakk frogg

Some people will go to great lengths in order to secure a little oral action. Like this guy, for example:

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Saddest part of the whole cartoon: she fell for that trick in the past!

Blakk Frogg has yet to see the movie about gay cowboys. He has, however, heard so much about it in the news over the past months that the following email made him shoot beer out of his nose when he read it:

Top Ten Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After That Damned Gay Cowboy Movie . . . .

1. “I’m gonna pump you fulla lead!”

2. “Give me a stiff one, barkeep!”

3. “Don’t fret—I’ve been in tight spots before.”

4. “Howdy, pardner.”

5. You stay here while I sneak around from behind.”

6. Two words: “Saddle Sore.”

7. “Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like.”

8. “Let’s mount up!”

9. “Nice spread ya got there!”

10. “Ride’em cowboy!”

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