Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Archive for November, 2007

  • Woman’s PoemBefore I lay me down to sleep,
    I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,

    One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
    One who loves to listen long,

    One who thinks before he speaks,
    One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.

    I pray he’s gainfully employed,
    When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.

    Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
    Massages my back and begs to do more.

    Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
    Knows what to answer to “how big is my behind?”

    I pray that this man will love me to no end,
    And always be my very best friend.

    Man’s Poem

  • I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
    who owns a liquor store and a golf course.

    This doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a shit.


  • Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

    Romance comes in many different flavors, but at no time should it EVER come from a book vendor whose ass crack resembles cottage cheese getting smuggled in a lambskin condom!


    Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

    Listen, folks…. If you want romance, you gotta’ go someplace other than a street corner where some fat, nasty, overweight ‘thing’ sells used romance books. And while on the topic, doesn’t the phrase ‘used romance books’ bring some pretty sickening images to mind?

    Try your luck over at Girls for MySpace if you need something to float your boat, get your motor going, rev up your engines, etc.

    blakk frogg

    16 Nov, 2007

    Eye Test for Polish Man

    Posted by: admin In: Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic

    A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.

    First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

    “Can you read this?” the optician asked.

    “Read it?” the Polish guy replied. “I know the guy.”


    Americas Best MySpace Vehicles Comments

    Read below, figure out how YOU would handle a dangerous driving situation of this magnitude, and then scroll down to see if you made the right driving decision.

    Dangerous Driving Scenario:

    You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

    Scroll for the correct answer…


    Americas Best MySpace Vehicles Comments

    Correct Course of Action:

    Get your drunk ass off the children’s Merry-Go-Round. You’re fuckin’ hammered!

    And no, Mrs. Clause didn’t catch Santa getting a little action on the side.


    Americas Best MySpace Holidays Comments

    Instead, it is something far more sinister: Some idiots in Australia have decided to change Santa Clause’s jolly, happy, trademarked, patented, world-famous “ho-ho-ho!” to….. “ha-ha-ha!” (insert the classic ‘WTF’ here)

    Apparently they think the average woman takes offense to the term ‘ho’ and that children ought not get exposed to such harsh, condescending language….. especially from Santa Clause, a symbol of all that we supposedly deem innocent an pure.


    Americas Best MySpace Holidays Comments

    Uh, hello? If a woman takes offense to that word used in a COMPLETE other way, then she probably wound UP waiting in line with her 3 screaming brats to see Santa as a RESULT of behaving like a ‘ho’…. and she needs to shut up, keep her legs closed, and stop drawing attention to herself.


    Americas Best MySpace Holidays Comments

    Reality of the matter: Most kids who believe in Santa Clause and hear the time-honored ‘ho-ho-ho’ do not make the connection between the sluts they see everywhere else in life and the innocence of St. Nick. Also, if those kids DO make that connection, someone needs to reset the password on Net Nanny and/or the cable box in their parents’ home.


    Americas Best MySpace Holidays Comments

    It already sucks enough that we can no longer enjoy a Holiday Season w/o having to worry about offending people by saying, “Merry Christmas”. Do we REALLY have to censor Santa now, too?


    Americas Best MySpace Holidays Comments

    Blakk Frogg

    Halloween has come and gone and everyone has started looking forward to feasting on turkey, ham, fruit cakes and other traditional Thanksgiving/Christmas foods. Parents have started acquiring, wrapping and stashing presents for their kids, television stations have begun flooding the airwaves with images of Holiday Cheer that makes lonely bastards like Blakk Frogg wanna’ kill himself, and greedy retail merchants chomp at the bit as they wait for the hordes of gadget and gizmo loving shoppers to empty their pockets into money-hungry cash registers.


    Americas Best MySpace Holidays Comments

    Everyone loves this time of year, right? No, actually, some folks HATE this time of year as it marks the beginning of the end for them…. And yes, Blakk Frogg refers to the poor, now-forgotten and probably tossed into the garbage pumpkins.

    With not much time to live, many turn to drugs and alcohol to soothe the pain of knowing they will soon die….


    Sarcastic MySpace Comments

    So the next time you see a forlorn pumpkin rolling down the street at this time of year, take a minute to mourn because that poor, poor pumpkin will soon rot into the ground and become…. worm food.

    Leave it to The Duke to spell out what so many people in the United States mutter under their breath each and every day. Blakk Frogg does not hate anyone, except YOU, so don’t even go there with the ‘stop discriminating and hating’ comments and emails. Blakk Frogg loves everyone… and your sister looks good in latex.

    Blakk Frogg Sarcasm and Free MySpace Comments
    Free MySpace Comments on Americas Best
    another blakk frogg production!

    In case any of you wondered, this graphic has remained in the Top Ten Most Popular MySpace Comments on Americas-Best.Com for close to 6 months.

    UPDATE: This morning Blakk Frogg learned that the Associated Press (AP) has retracted the Paris Hilton elephant story . Wow. One has to guess, then, that they had nothing better to report on that day.

    Apparently they couldn’t find anything to say about….. rising gas prices, the recent increase in chlamydia cases in the United States, the fact that 40% of people surveyed recently don’t know AIDS has a 100% kill rate, the obvious instability of the stock market, millions of people losing their homes as a result of crappy/shady loan agreements, the cost of living rising WAY above the average person’s income level, etc.

    On a happier note, you can read Blakk Frogg’s take on the original, now retracted, Paris Hilton story below:

    ——————

    Big surprise everyone! Paris Hilton made the news again…. only this time for something a bit more noble than performing poorly in a homemade pornographic movie. Of all the strange news articles that have come across Blakk Frogg’s computer screen in recent days, this one certainly did make him say….. What the Fuck?!?!?

    Taken from MSN.Com on 11/13/07:

    GAUHATI, India — Paris Hilton is being praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India.

    Activists said a celebrity endorsement such as Hilton’s was sure to raise awareness of the plight of the pachyderms that get drunk on farmers’ homemade rice beer and then go on a rampage.

    “The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them,” the 26-year-old socialite said in a report posted on World Entertainment News Network’s Web site. Her comments were picked up by other Web sites and newspapers around the globe.

    Last month, six wild elephants that broke into a farm in the state of Meghalaya were electrocuted after drinking the potent brew and then uprooting an electricity pole.

    “There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn’t chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad,” Hilton was quoted as saying in Tokyo last week. She was in Tokyo to judge a beauty contest. (finish reading the article here)

    ———————

    Blakk Frogg’s turn to speak, now… Why the HELL do people pay so much attention to this chick? Why couldn’t she use her ‘media pull’ to publicize another issue OTHER than drunken elephants on the rampage in India?

    Granted Blakk Frogg feels VERY bad for the deceased elephants and all the people whose lives got mangled by the inebriated beasts, but get real, folks. No one outside of a 5 mile radius of where the drunken elephants went on a rampage gave a rat’s ass about this story until a socialite with a penchant for porn mentioned it in an interview.

    So ask yourselves…. Did you REALLY care about the elephants or the people or did you hope to hear where you could find a new photo showing Paris’ highly publicized pubic region somewhere in that article when you read it?

    We ALL know the answer to THAT question…..

    Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, “I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.”

    “Thank God,” said an elderly nun at the back. “I’m so tired of chardonnay.”


    Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

    No longer just the title of an awesome Motley Crue song from back in the 1980’s, folks! It also represents the content of one of Blakk Frogg’s recent additions to Americas Best MySpace Comments. Check out a few samples of what got added, OK?


    Americas Best MySpace Girls Comments


    Americas Best MySpace Girls Comments

    And just to make life a bit more interesting, Blakk Frogg posted a blatantly sexist comment picture for MySpace certain to piss off….. your mom!


    Americas Best MySpace Girls Comments

    Yeah….. you really gotta’ admire Blakk Frogg’s ability to run the gamut when it comes to offensive material. Tune in next time when he posts pictures of your mom making sweet love to the garbage man’s boot!


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    About This Site


    First of all, you will like this site because it has lots of sarcasm, plenty of humor, and a healthy dose of everything your dear mommy warned you not touch when taking a shower at the local athletic club.


    • admin: How can people not like this photo? Seriously. These girls have WONDERFUL personalities that just leap out of their shirts, er, eyes. Yes. Blakk Fr
    • admin: In other news, the children ingested so much of the drug that it took their parents a solid two weeks to catch the little bastards and beat their behi
    • Intimate Touch Tuesday | MySpace Comments & Jokes: [...] you survived the horror called Monday and showed back up to face… Tuesday. Good for you! As a reward for your devotion and effort, [...]