Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Like a lot of folks in this country, Blakk Frogg has a job:  He gets up each morning, goes to work, puts in at LEAST solid 8 hours of work.  Every other week he gets a check.  Simple as that.

He then pays taxes on his earnings and the government distributes his tax dollars as it sees fit.

Here’s the kicker, though… In order to get that paycheck, he has to pass a random urine test, with which he has no problem.

He DOES, however, object to the distribution of his hard-earned tax dollars to people who DON’T have to pass a urine test.  He wonders WHY a person doesn’t have to pass a urine test in order to receive HIS money in the form of a welfare check.  Seriously… HE has to pass one in order to EARN that money so shouldn’t THEY have to pass one before receiving it?

Please understand that Blakk Frogg has no problem with helping people get back on their feet.  He does, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit around on their lazy ass using drugs… on his dime.

Think about how much money state, local and federal government agencies would save if aid recipients had to pass regular, or random, urine tests before they could receive a public assistance check.

Democrat, Republican, Conservative or Liberal, it does not matter.  If you agree with this message, spread the word. Otherwise your silence equals acceptance of the current situation… and you have no right to complain.

 – Blakk Frogg

This next item needs no introduction, so Blakk Frogg will shut the hell up and show it to you without further ado….

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

Now kindly step away from the Vehicle and no one will get hurt….. except for the idiot in the corner whistling Dixie and stroking his meat puppet. That boy NEEDS an ass whipping!

– blakk frogg

Have you ever had such a horrible day/week/month/year/life that even a shit sandwich seemed appealing? Well have you ever SEEN a shit sandwich? Huh? Have you?????

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

Well now you have. Don’t say Blakk Frogg never did you any favors. Still hungry?

– blakk frogg

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Come and get your Sarcastic MySpace Comments while they’re still hot and steaming…. like a fresh shit sandwich!

Today’s buzzword for business: MARKETING

While many people use this word quite frequently, a good many more people ask for a simple explanation of “Marketing”. For all those people who need a little clarity on the matter, read these Real World Marketing Examples:

You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed.” That’s Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call him and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I?” and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.” That’s Brand Recognition.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That’s a Sales Rep.

Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you. That’s Tech Support.

You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!” That’s Junk Mail.

You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and grabs your butt… and he winds up Governor of California. You liked it at the time, but 20 years later, your attorney decides you were offended. That’s America.

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You can kiss Blakk Frogg’s smelly websites… and lick his goofy toes, too!

Everyone knows Blakk Frogg adores sarcasm. No secret there. So it makes perfect sense that he would thoroughly enjoy the ramblings of a man well-known for his quick wit, in-depth (and interesting) analysis of society’s ways, and, of course his sarcasm. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for…. George Carlin!

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Damn right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a film “did you see that?”. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is ‘new and improved!’. Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn’t be new.
8. When people say “life is short”. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that’s longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

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In case of boredom, break glass over head and visit Simply Frogg

The other day Blakk Frogg came across a folded up photograph in the hallway and this is what it said….

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Needless to say he quickly located two things:

1) The owner of the paper

2) A keg

– blakk frogg

Americas Best MySpace Comments
free myspace comments pics: categorized for your convenience

Hellmann’s Mayonnaise – Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank. The cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as “Sinko de Mayo”.

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Blakk Frogg hangs his head in shame after posting THAT joke……

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?

Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It made of concrete.

I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean, what are your relations like?

All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?

No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?

No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?

She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: “Polish Remover”

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Oh man…. That joke sucked.  The other jokes on Simply Frogg are better, I promise.  Most of ’em, at least….  Most of ’em.

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table.

A very attractive blonde woman from North Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.”

With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, “Come on, baby….Southern Girl needs new clothes!”

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down…. and squealed… “YES! YES! I WON! I WON!”

She hugged each of the dealers… and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?”

The other answered, “I don’t know… I thought you were watching.”

Moral –

• Not all Southerners are stupid.
• Not all blondes are dumb.
• But all men….. are men.

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1,000+ Sarcastic MySpace Comment Pictures on…. Sarcastic MySpace.

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spooky Dude.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me”.

12) The Virgin Mary is not called ” ary with the Cherry”.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

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More great jokes at Simply Frogg, damn it!