Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything: cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, and air fresheners were hung everywhere!

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and, eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and, within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods. I just love a happy ending, don’t you?

Americas Best MySpace Madness

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… ‘Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!’ Now think about how you call a cat… ‘Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!’ Jeeezus, man. You’re fit to be framed, you’re so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or women’s funbags. Anything else and you are in ‘training’ and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a ‘Decaf Soy Latte’. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a ‘fressier’ is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings, then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.

———————–

<strong>Disclaimer:</strong> The mighty <a href=http://blakk-frogg.com><strong>Blakk Frogg</strong></a> does NOT discrimnate against homosexuals, mexicans, chinese, greek, dead, nearly dead or mostly dead people….. just people who wear too much aftershave, cologne, smelly lotions, deodorant, and calamine lotion. So therefore don’t even THINK about blasting <a href=http://blakk-frogg.com><strong>Blakk Frogg</strong></a> with all your hate-filled emails.

It was funny, and you laughed… so shut your filthy sewer of a mouth!

Sarcastic MySpace Comments
sarcasm makes me happy…. not that you care, though. Bitch.

 Latest Immigration Poll in Arizona:
  The latest telephone poll taken by the Arizona Governor’s office, asked whether people who live in  Arizona think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

 29% of respondents answered:  “Yes, it is a serious problem.”

71% of respondents answered:  “No es una problema seriosa.”

—————-

Disclaimer: The mighty Blakk Frogg does NOT discriminate against homosexuals, mexicans, ugly people, anti-Castro demonstrators, flying squirrels, people of color, people who lack color, straight people, crooked people, people who hate people OR people who love too many people, or the wrong people, and caught the gift that keeps on giving…. so don’t flood Blakk Frogg with hate emails ‘cuz he posted this.

It was funny, and you laughed… so shut your stinkin’ pie hole!

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!”

The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?”

“Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Just get the hell out!”

———————

With an attitude like hers she ought to work for Sarcastic MySpace

One day, a wife greeted her husband at the front door wearing a very sexy nightie. Before he could speak, she said, “Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.”

So he tied her up and went fishing.

——————-

A classy guy like that shops at Da’ Frogg Store and loves to flaunt the latest Frogg Wear.  Oh, and for those seeking pretty girls, well, try Girls for MySpace on for size.

Shameless self-promotion? Blakk Frogg? Never! That’s a lie. A rotten, stinkin’, dirty ass lie. He would NEVER think to slip a plug for his own products in the middle of this website. That would never happen. Not in a million years. Honest. He swears.

more blakk frogg “loves to nail”

more blakk frogg “pick your speed”

more blakk frogg “ready to screw”

So ya’ wanna’ wear one of these designs, do ya’? Then hop yo’ nasty ass over to blakk frogg’s cafepress site and check out all the Frogg Wear Original designs on golf shirts, t-shirts, camisoles, tank tops, sweatshirts, coffee mugs, beer steins, and… thongs & boxers!

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Everyone knows Blakk Frogg likes beer. He prefers the microbrews and specitalty beers but sometimes, when he feels he need to re-live his younger days, he buys a few cases of the beer (swill) he chugged as a tadpole, er, student.

Nasty, cheap, never filtered, served in dirty mugs, and tastes like backwash from the first sip straight through to the last. Mmmm, Mmmm, Refreshing.

Blakk Frogg thanks his lucky stars that he has a job. Otherwise he’d have to drink that horse piss all the time!

For the record, Blakk Frogg is not calling St. Pauli Girl a filthy goat piss beer. Seeing her cans, er, beer mugs, caused him to think about the various beers he has consumed over the years. He likes St. Pauli Girl every once in a while. Yummy stuff. He really likes her cans, too. Really. He does.

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the U. S. REDNECK SPECIAL FORCES (USRSF).

These 500 Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Missouri, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas, Tennessee and North & South Carolina boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given only the following five facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The mess in Iraq is expected to be over in about a week.

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free jokes, comments and graphics

A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry.

When it came back there are still stains in her panties.

The next week she encloses a note to the Chinese laundryman that says, “Use more soap on panties.”

This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. “Use more soap on panties.”

Finally fed up the Chinese man responded with his own note that said, “Use more paper on ass.”

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free jokes, comments and graphics

On July 20, 1969, the first man walked on the moon. When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong made those first footprints, he not only gave his famous, “one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,” statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control.

Just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark, “Good luck Mr. Gorsky.”

Many people at NASA thought it was a remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the “Good luck Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995 in Tampa, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

Armstrong explained, “When I was a kid, I was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. My friend hit a fly ball that landed in front of my neighbor’s bedroom windows. My neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As I leaned down to pick up the ball, I heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, “Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”

———————–

Check out the out-of-this-world jokes on Simply Frogg …. and maybe Mr. Gorsky will get lucky!